What is something that keeps you going? You know. After the wind has been taken out of your sails what do you do to rally up the forces in order for you to fill them up once again? Me? I try to understand life and how it has been wound so intrinsically not giving us much room to know the truth just letting our imaginations getting carried away with the wind.

It’s hard to believe in a whole word that insists on treating every being differently. Just think about how other countries might be ripped apart by war. Why does it make sense for anybody to have to live that way all because a higher up sitting on a throne has decided that he know needs to even up the score.

Of course once again I had a fight with my husband this time is probably the argument heard most around the world. Brittney Griner and her trade for Viktor Bout. What kind of rationale was that all about? Now that she is safe on US sale she has become an advocate to get Paul Whelan out. Uhmm what? All I said to my husband was that if Brittney was any kind of woman she could have dug her heels in while she was still on Russian soil. Do you know how many POW’s were executed during World War 1 and 2 and never had an opportunity to barter. You already know that they are laughing about this trade. There is nothing in the eyes of the athletic world that could justify such an offer and I think we should hold our heads down with shame.

Two wrongs don’t make a right do they? Paul was caught doing something for his country and the other, well, she was desecrating on that countries laws and traditions. I don’t know about you but I do believe that we should have to become more accountable for the lives that we have lived. Have we forgot what happens when we too readily give in? Children living in behind walls that is how they will spend their last days. All while they are hoping that they are somebody that is worthy of being saved but they were not. We can say now that they were but they were still led to mass genocide. This is what happens when we all too willingly coincide.

What is most important in this life is a finite protection of self. You have to regard what you are holding within you is something that is more than worthy of being saved. We all have a light and a determination that wants to see us win. At least it starts off that way somewhere until we begin to let the darkness in. There has to be a pull towards something doesn’t there because where did we all come from. I have a hard time believing that all this living was nothing more than just for fun.

I have to stop focusing on all the things that I can not change. Can I live my life a little differently and is there still time to have my light force saved. Saved from all the contradictions that love to come my way. The constant taunts and promises of a life fulfilled these days. I get scared that it is not enough. That it will never be enough. That those that I have come to know in this life will just fade away as they leave and close behind them the door.

Why do I feel this need to try and get all these people to try and and understand me? They don’t need to and I don’t need them especially because I have it in me and I know what it will take for me to be saved. Slow down and live simply and appreciate all the things that others can’t take away. Be more accepting of those that have always been there for me instead of trying to scare them away with rage. Easier said then done right? Of course but those questions are the reason why I say awake at night. Well sometimes I stay awake because I am scared that I am running out of time. The clock keeps on ticking and I have no idea how to stop or even if I want to so all I want to do instead is cry.

So I try to keep the life force shining bright inside of me even though that I know there are others around me that are trying to blow it out. I should focus so much on those who are trying to deter me and should focus more on how I can get out of here. Not out of here physically but to a more glorious mental state. One that isn’t so contradicting in order for me to feel some kind of relief so I search for it myself. I look for the answers of life that I need to keep me going and I think that is all that somebody needs. Something that we can find if we just keep looking for the answers deep within oneself.

Life is extremely complicated made even more daunting because we have no idea what we are even doing. It seemed simple in the beginning. All we had to do was find a way to survive and of course we would have to find a way to get along. Of course it makes sense. I think that is why we made borders and put all these laws into place. We needed a way to blanket and conform everybody to ensure that nobody was able to stand out from the human race. There is only a certain percentage of the population that is able to live this way. You no with little regard or consideration for how other people might feel or actually say.