Block and Delete

I am about to be hated for this one. The thoughts that keep surfacing around me threaten to tarnish my soul. Like the idea that we are made for the soul purpose of getting under somebody like we can never be worthy enough to even out the score.

I am married. No surprises there. I have never waivered from the fact that this is where I have come to rest. The idea that I have been lumped together with these beings who put it all on display just truly aggravates my soul. The vulgarity that comes forward when my husband is around is the very reason why I run and want to hide my face.

Your tits are out is what he says. You think anybody will notice you when you have it all on display? There are those that do so much more then just look nice, they tell you how and when they went to get pegged. To me I need to have some anonymity and a little bit of secrecy between me and the powers that be. I like to believe that we came from a purpose and that we can be somebody but then we decide that there is more than enough time to waste.

Why if we could be anything in this world we would chose to be slutty. There is just something about that feeling that I just can’t ignore. I brought life into this world thru my legs so why would I just let anybody up in there to have there nasty way? The amount of blow job jokes going around these days makes me want to shut down my social media accounts and run away. I find myself surrounded by a whole bunch of like minded entities except for it isn’t my mind that feels comfortable around these beings no more. Maybe there is a connection between sex and drugs that we can no longer ignore. I think I have to gather up my courage as I head bravely for shore.

In order to be liked you have to be readily available or nobody will want anything to do with you no more. I have began to cut off all ties and clean up all the rough edges because this is the type of behaviour I can no longer ignore. Imagine when you are older gripping to your life, is this a life worthy of holding onto are will your last moments here on Earth be filled with so much strife?

I guess this is what happens when you are somebody like me. You cling to every memory you have no matter how broken and you pray nobody else around you will notice and ask to one day see. All the secrets you have been holding onto can make a mess of out of you one day. All you have to do is tread lightly and be mindful of what others could say.

Like minded individuals gravitate towards each other like hungry coyotes out in the wild trying to look for some sort of game. You aren’t sure what you are looking for but when you find it you will be so glad that you came. That even though it hurt in the moment when everybody else turned their back at least you don’t have to have your guard up that you will be forced to endure a ravenous attack.

I think it is time that I weed out my garden and not be scared of what is to be found. It is the same thing that keeps me frozen to scared too see what or who is coming around. I shun all advancements forward as I am scared of who I might be. I know that I am hated that is something that I can no longer avoid and something that I think I will always have to see.

I am weird and I am different and if I get too far distracted I may never find my way back. I shouldn’t be ashamed of my story even though I have spent my whole life facings some sort of fear. I know what it feels like to be tossed aside like garbage having others kick you when you are down. I think it happened so much throughout my timeline that it became so common that it was all that was around me to be found.

I wonder what it would feel like to be loved for who I truly am. I know that I am accepted by the pets that flock around me even though there are no humans around me to be found. My husband is always extremely irritated at me. I don’t know how to get through this moment of time with him. We try to be civil but there is so much hatred that it has started to infiltrate everything that we see and even do.

I like to imagine a time when we aren’t so incestuous with our nose up everybody’s *sses just to see what they are doing and to keep ourselves inside the loop. There is something about knowing everything that a being has to offer that turns my stomach from the inside and makes me want to puke. What happened about keeping something sacred between two people to share that will leave them feeling like they are the only two people left in this world?

Wouldn’t that be amazing? To live during a time when not everything is out on display that there are some things left to the imagination inciting our senses and encouraging all those around us to play. I guess it is the time for me to hit ignore on those entities that no longer serve me especially when they aggravate my nerves more now that I am forced to listen to what they have actually have to say. I am only forced if I allow them to continuously have access to me but for now I think I have no choice but to keep on hitting that good ol block and delete.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s