Accepting Living Expectations

Death is what scares me and I suppose it somewhat motivates me because one day all this will be gone and I for one will no longer be able to see. Sometimes when I think about it I freeze. I know how close death has come. With so many of us living in a small space it is very likely that death will come for a visit and perhaps he will sit down and stay.

How can one prepare for it even when they know that is coming. How does ones heart keep on beating even though they know what is to come. Is there a way to tie up loose endings before the invitable happens and is their a release to angels that we aren’t privy to? How I will I could know more.

Imagine when your life is almost all over. Who will come to visit you and who will keep themselves away? I can’t imagine what happens to the mind when you know that there is nothing more that you can do in this life so you lie down waiting for death to show up. How long will this take and will there be a lot of suffering? Is there a way to communicate with the living once I am forced to leave this world.

I can’t imagine being trapped inside your brain. Watching my Grandfather leave this world in this way there are no words to describe the pain. Your memories are robbed from you with a chance that one or two will come back but they won’t last to begin to comfort you, in fact they will be ripped away. Imagine a whole life being taken leaving only a shell of a man. There is no way to comfort a being even if you were to do everything that you can.

It’s like watching a loved one die slowly instead of like a band aid being ripped off taking them away. It is a slow form of living torture with those torrid memories never quite ever going away. You pray that they go in their sleep. It is my biggest fear that they live in pain for their last remaining years. My Grandfather almost survived 10 years with my Grandmother and it pains me to think about those years.

Two loving beings reduced to nothing more than bones. Looking back at pictures I know there was a time when they used to be the same age as me. Imagine that. My Grandmother at 43. At this age she was giving birth to twins. She maintained her family on a farm with you guessed it no social media! The only validation my Grandmother ever received was the love that she had been given by her family and that has been the energy that we have been born craving and the energy that most of us will ever need.

That’s why evil doesn’t make sense. Life is hard enough as it is. I like to think about another species survival and focus on all the things besides us that nobody else can ever take away. Cats only care about love and loyalty and a safe and warm spot to sleep then there are the dogs in my possession that love us so much that it will make your heart weep. There isn’t much to be said for the birds and the chinchillas but I can tell you they are happiest now that they have been brought together so that in itself speaks volumes in a continuously segregated world.

The only thing that is missing from this house is foliage and I am working on getting more house plants. I paid attention in biology class, there isn’t enough oxygen recycling for all these living beings to breathe happy. We are a combination of things that we have already been taught. It is up to us to fill in the pieces and it is up to us to try and connect the dots.

That if something doesn’t feel good then try not to force it so the energy does. There is a reason why your senses are being heightened and it is ok to speak up until the energy starts to feel good. Anytime I ignored the energy in the room it has resulted in an eruption of feelings and mood. I need to be brutally honest with myself and my identity in only the way that somebody who truly loved themselves ever could. I don’t love myself yet but I am trying my hardest too. I think I am still stuck on the idea that I need to be loved by everybody that is in the room, and those that aren’t. Social media has ruined that feeling of presence for me.

Imagine an existence where we aren’t shoved so far up another person’s *ss? There used to be a time of anonymity now we want our faces to be burned into the minds of everybody we have yet to meet. I think that is what is scariest because not everybody is as they seem. Some of us adorn masks and we wear them most of our lives. Prince Charming syndrome. You know. They remain on their best behaviour until we fall head over feet in love then its a no holds barred and the mask finally comes off and by the time that day finally happens it is way too late for us to finally run off.

It’s human nature to always hope and wish for the best. Its how we never think anything bad will ever happen to us and it is what will keep moving us forward until it is far too late. Think about a time when you chased somebody down the wrong direction until they finally turned around and bit off your head? Maybe it is wasn’t that extreme but there is always somebody out there who is hoping and wishing that you were dead. To them I say try hard to not even entertain them and keep on focusing on you. I mean there is not much that is expected out of us while we are living so what else out there is for us to really do?

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