I think I finally have stumbled onto something. A conclusion that has long been written since way before time. I am a crazy, compassionate, empath. If there was an emotion to be felt or drama to be explored I think I am the one on the sidelines waving my hands.

But only in the imaginary sense. See in all truth and honesty my anxiety drives me nauseous anytime a crowd starts nearing by. It’s because as soon as they all mill around me I can feel all the energy they bring with them into the room. Their hatred, anger, joy, happiness, sad, greed, deceit…I feel everything possible they may bring this night so I prefer to stay alone.

K, so maybe not alone. I have a collection of fur, feathers and scales ($ whatever it is that a crab may have). It’s like I have so much to do on the day to day that I work hard to try and remember to think about myself. I think it is why I get offended when my husband isn’t so much help.

I forget that he works too and he needs to unwind his day. Like Dr Phil said, sometimes a man needs to rest and regroup and recoil back into their caves. Don’t disturb the bear. If you begin to poke and prod what do you think is going to erupt so put aside the dramatizations and think of a better way to present yourself.

So I maybe a little bit sensitive. Aren’t we all? I think for me it is because there are a million things I want to know about before the day comes that I die. I am fully aware that I have no idea of what is to come of me or the animals that I gave a loving place to call home. The idea that life gets reduced to absolutely nothing is something that I can’t stomach. Who can? Only the demonic maybe and that is why some of us walk a very fine line.

Who am I? I am a mom and I am very proud of that fact these days. There are is so much more to look forward now that his eyes are beginning to open I couldn’t be happier that he is finding his own way. I think that is a HUGE stressor is the realization begins to sink in. Soon he will be even more free spirited then he is now and I don’t want to suppress his personality only embrace it. Whomever he blossoms to be he needs to know that I will always be there cheering him from the side. That is why I need to believe that we all go somewhere when we die.

Albert Einstein said it best. Energy never dies it just changes form and because we are made of energy that means when we die it is our energy that is going to change. Think of it. When we are alive we are warm then we die then we all of a sudden go cold. What happens to warm air it rises so that does truly mean that in the end our souls do begin to lift up and fly.

More to that they say that evil looks and feels cold as ice. That they feel all sweaty and clammy like a being you wouldn’t even want to touch or even be. When you look into the eyes of pure evil it is like there is nothing there. Now ask yourself what happens when somebody runs colder. Where would they lie in the ascent back up into the sky? They probably would move downwards and be absorbed into nothing like the evil that they were.

Also, in retrospect I think the deadly sins were onto something. Not to misused like it has been so often used for before as I means to control and make beings feel bad for who we really are. If we didn’t make it so shameful to hide what is really going on don’t you think that maybe more of the evil would dissipate and be gone?

Obviously not entirely but what happens when you give the wrong energy to much of the power grid in the end it is us who end up tripping it up and suffering. To much of a good thing doesn’t last but evil seems to get it’s grip and find it’s way to stay. What I feel is this sense of loss coming and a whisper of Connor in my ears.

Who is he? I don’t know. Who was he? I am not sure. Something is pulling me in that much of a direction and then all of a sudden it hit me once again in the face. I can’t talk about the connections now but if you begin to open up your sense you will finally see. I think that is why being a housewife is what has made this journey incredibly lucky.

Sure my relationship at best is awkward. Together when we aren’t fighting we are acting like those two awkward kids in middle school who just passed each other a note. Our communication skills are incredibly lacking and I can see where my part is becoming more clear. I should have listened more intently when Dr Phil said not to anger the bear. Let a man be and eventually he will come out. He may need to stuff his face for a while, burp and scratch and hide out again but learn to try and not take it so personal.

Ya right Dr Phil but I have needs too. I think that is why I am channeling my energy to enhance my intuition and keep on trying to learn something new. I want to move towards an awakening even if it means that I may walk alone. I don’t think that we are privy to go with anyone whenever our time is over and it is decided we are to go there.