Increasingly Desensitized

The realization hit me during one of our any arguments, finally right? Or maybe not so but I finally felt empowered somewhat throughout the feelings of rage.

I think it’s common knowledge when people fight they go for the jugular or at least the eye gauge to prevent anyone from actually seeing. I know for me I go immediately on the defensive. This was a feeling in time I would always hope to feel.

I think it is common for almost anybody to want to cease any sort of argument but only after you feel content that you issued the game changing blow. It has been brought to my attention that it is a common rebuttal to tell somebody that they needed to be medicated then it finally hit me why is it us, the highly emotional that has to accept the seeds that are being sowed?

Just because our lifestyle doesn’t fit in with just anybody doesn’t mean we need to medicate so we lose all sorts of control. With that one line you just admitted that you are disgusted with my personality and you don’t want to try to deal with it no more.

One more time so it is heard in the back but I am an empath like the world has never seen. Maybe they have but somebody in their life decided they needed to be medicated and I want to stand up for those who are vibrant and colorful so we can start evening out the score.

I thought about my son and how his school said the same thing and I thought we were in agreeance on what being medicated could even mean. It means that somebody in your general vicinity is getting tired of dealing with you so it would be easier for them if you became a zombie. No emotion. No fight as the person you became to love and know gets lost into the night. I wonder why it’s ok to stick up for my sons mood swings but it isn’t ok to stick up for me.

I always remember having no problems bringing my emotions to the outside in fact I didn’t leave my bed for a week when I found out my Grandmother was sick. I could cry over a toilet paper commercial because life wasn’t fair and I knew from a young age that life could be painful and I wasn’t even sure of why.

Anger became easy because it kept everybody away. Nobody wanted to be around somebody who appeared crazy. I gave in to those that thought it would be easier in the end to just medicate me but then I lost all control of my emotions and I forgot how to feel. Life became painful as I learned to keep everybody away. Trust me when I say this not every dog has their day.

It was easiest to gravitate towards losers, those whom were mother’s boys who would refuse to leave the house. Not that they refused to leave the house they had no problem at hanging around at night clubs but they always had to return to their momma’s at the end of every night. Who could feel broken up some man who didn’t give a sh*t about them, it was easiest for me to remain unattached and keep on moving along.

So now I feel bad for any time I let my emotions get the best of me when it is very clear and obvious to me now what exactly is going on. You can’t push a square peg into a circle and I think that maybe the first place where we went wrong.

Can counselling help? I dunno maybe but not at the expense of me being medicated. I like who I am even though it feels like I am crazy I don’t know why I would want to suppress all the feelings I have come to know as being me.

I think they call it being an empath when you can step into the minds of another being and fully feel all the feelings they feel. I feel the pain that comes when somebody loses somebody or the anxiety that comes when another being tries something and fails.

I can feel the embarrassment and insecurities that comes every time certain people leave the house. Is my hair out of place or am I wearing the same outfit as somebody? Why did I agree to this and is there a way that I can get out?

So should one be medicated just to fit into a certain being’s lifestyle? I think it depends if you believe somebody needs to be in your life just because you grew up. I consider my cousins and how there was a time when we did everything together now we haven’t talked in 20 to 30 years. Maybe we have conversated in passing but nothing worth lasting, I think that just proves that we change and evolve whenever a large amount of time has passed. Sad isn’t it. They used to be my friends now we don’t even stay in touch. I mean I tried to but with no reciprocation it didn’t do much.

I think with 8 billion people in the world there would almost be one being for almost everybody so we don’t have to be so accommodating or stepping on each other’s toes. Why continue being an *sshole when we can figure how to get along and if we don’t like what somebody is doing or saying then it should be easy enough to just pick yourself up and move yourself along.

Easier said then done right? but it shouldn’t. I think the biggest problem we are facing is desensitization in an increasingly cold world and we don’t even recognize it because we are too preoccupied with things that shouldn’t have our concern.

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