Only Fans…

Do you like the idea of only fans? I mean I keep on getting links from others telling me I should open up an account so that others can subscribe. It wouldn’t be something that I would normally think about but if the masses keep asking who am I but to oblige?

For starters I grew up during a time when nudes were not really a thing. I couldn’t imagine how that would work. Here let me steal my dad’s camera and wait for him to get that film developed then I will somehow get the developed pictures away from the pharmacists prying eyes. Not to mention that whomever developed said pictures would be charged with possession of child pornography that is if he doesn’t already alert the police and turn themselves in. In a small town EVERYBODY knows everybody’s business so it’s best to keep your clothes on if you know what I mean?

Our cellphones didn’t have a camera option and just typing out a text could take literal days. Every number was assigned 3 letters so you would have to keep on clicking down on that number until that number arrived and by that time you had already forgotten everything it was you were trying to say.

So normally this idea wouldn’t even be entertained in my head as an option but with so many already doing it could it truly be that bad? For me I guess I bend my mind to where it is that I think the world is going and if there is a benefit for us to continue behaving in such a way…what could be the harm am I right?

I am not going to lie I have dabbled in nudes to which the recipient of my portraits made me cry with his reply. He was trying to be helpful and tell me to be mindful of my angles which in my head makes me wonder if he is in fact gay BUT he was trying to be helpful I suppose which leads the question are people subscribing to laugh at your content that you produce or do they come around to play?

Either way I never deleted those photos and who was to come around but my husband to be. He went through my phone one day when he was given the opportunity and when I finally came home he had only the most nastiest things to say. I felt disgusted with myself in this moment for using my body in the hopes that I could get a guy to look my way.

So once again I got that inevitable slide into my DMs with that Only Fan link to sign up. At least I think it was to sign up I wasn’t sure given who it was that the dm originated from. The reason why I was caught off guard was because it was somebody ALWAYS begging to have people send money to their cashapp so I thought he was just looking for me to subscribe so that he could get one more. Right? Isn’t that what you think? Why would some broke *ss bloke recommend a subscription site that he can’t even afford…was he trying to become my pimp? This I am afraid I will never know nor do I care too.

My thoughts an whether or not I would ever relinquish all sorts of control and open up an only fans will probably never happen. I appreciate those in their fame and I realize that no matter what it is that I bring to the table we can never be the same.

What some of those women were forced to endure in order to survive is nothing considering what I have done to stay alive. I can’t laugh at their pain and torture and demoralize the essence that they worked so hard at being. I have read each one of their autobiographies trying to understand their lives and how they came to be this way that a piece of my soul dies every time they remember and can’t help themselves but cry.

What we are when we are asleep is the very same thing when we open our eyes just some of us are cowards and some of us are all too wise. It’s easier to dream of who we want to be and the journey we will take to get there but with our clothes laid out in front of us even we can’t believe all the lies.

Empowerment to me means doing what you need to do and you can keep your clothes on in doing so. You don’t have to bare all for others in order for them to poke and pride. I guess only fans is more like a fetish serving site right? Where people go when what they are getting in the mainstream is not enough for them to sustain their carnal needs.

It’s too easy isn’t it but then I think about these pictures and what will happen to them when my life force goes away. When your heart stops beating and your social media accounts are found now what? More to that what about your cell phone that you know there are many waiting to get their hands on just so they can find out what you are about.

Only Fans? I don’t think I ever could, not right now. I already fear rejection so much it is crippling I couldn’t imagine baring my whole body and have the masses look over me as they all continue to hit ignore. I am not against what others feel they need to do in order to make ends meet I just think my purpose in this life is so much more. I like to tie myself to the deities and goddesses who came before me engaging in activities like they did before.

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