To Be Human

Is there any denying that we are human? Try as you may to deny the facts and who you were when you were born but there are certain ideologies that can never be changed.

I think it is human nature to want to live a comfortable and happy life. Comfortable meaning you have food on your table and a roof over your head and happy being the company you keep. We don’t have to force anybody to be a part of anything that they don’t want to. In fact it is more than likely you will hear about it like you have never heard before.

I do as I do at night and that brings me to watching true crime and then it brought this realization down upon my head. What I don’t understand is crime and it’s penalties. Wouldn’t it and shouldn’t it be the same for everybody across the world. I am talking about consistency so you know exactly what is about to be done.

I watched a 13 year old girl stab her landlord and get only 22 years. 22 years for a life. The excuses being she was only a kid. Remember during the Renaissance period where you had a 50% chance of surviving childhood only to be taken out when you became middle aged I feel like we lack any sort of value in our lives knowing that the outcome will be one and the same.

Our judicial system makes little to no sense and it should be the one thing that we shouldn’t be able to poke through any holes. How can one person commit the exact same crime but get relief dependent upon what state the crime was committed. I think when it comes to being human there should be a standard code of ethics that we all follow that will make it easiest for us ALL to sleep at the end of the night.

105 billion have existed here on Earth with 5.5% of us living right here and right now so it could be easily imagined that it would be almost impossible for all of us to get along. There will be those secrets that will haunt us based on what our ancestors have done and then there will be those moments of pride when we realize just who our ancestors were. We have to believe that in someway we are all outwardly connected. It doesn’t make sense that we came alive just to watch each other fail and fall.

I guess what has me asking these questions is I don’t understand how we can treat each other one and the same. What one person does could be due to a mental illness and what another person does could be caused by nothing at all.

I watched a 20 year old girl cut up her apparent rival even though she was interested in her boyfriend. Imagine that fear and terror coursing through your body as you look at who you thought were your friends but there was monsters looking back at you instead. You think you would feel safer in a group unless they baited you.  We all know what happens to the prey that finds themselves in a group of coyotes.

I think that is my fear. Sending my boy into a world that has seemingly grown so cold. How can I protect him when there are so many dangers the likes that we have never seen before. We have monsters preying on our children to do the most unspeakable of things. Why do we have to live with this evil that is around us and how can we elevate our existence so we can eventually even out the score?

Be careful who you fall asleep beside because you just might not wake up in the morning. My biggest fear is dying from something or somebody that should have been in my control. Not in a condescending way but this is who I am and this is how I chose to exist. That shouldn’t be too difficult if you find yourself surrounded by beings that are on your side always lifting you up to do more.

Time is here but it is always gone and it will be the one thing that we will keep chasing even though we want to remain just running in place. Too tired of what may happen if we do nothing we drag our worn out body to keep evening out the score. I know I am tired of those entities that always appear trying to oppose me so I will put my nose down so I can be bothered no more.

My husband is always upset with me because I have zero relationship with my sisters. In my head it’s like we can’t control who we grow up to be which means our personality could be irritating to others. Why force a square peg into a circle that is never going to fit is the way I look at a family that doesn’t want anything to do with me. I am ok with that. I have to be. I don’t want to be ashamed for everything that I was forced to endure in my past, they want me to be though.

I am only human and it is inevitable that I am going to make mistakes. I am going to make mistakes that I don’t even know I am making and there will be nights when those mistakes will keep me awake. We should all feel accepted in the bodies that we were born to be instead of being hated, made to conform into somebody else.

One look at me and you can tell that I am broken at least that is why I keep a smile on my face to try and hide away the pain. If you aren’t somebody that I aspire to be then you are just obsolete because I am growing tired of throwing that pity party, oh whoa feel sorry for me.

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