I am trying to live my life more authentically and why I think most of my posts and content are going to turn out a little bit weird. Not to mention that in some ways I am incredibly private which raises my core perception so I can’t realize anything anymore. I think the word they used is highly overly sensitized which I believe that I am in every sense of the word.

My emotions are tied to every living thing in these ways that are too debilitating anytime something happens to somebody else and I am not even certain what is happening or even what is going on. It’s like I have almost perfected life and the way that it moves that I can’t help but be consumed with anything else.

Take our simple Beta Fish that has come into our roost because of my son always wanting a fish. When the first one passed it was almost like it was expected with my mother in law telling me not to bother with them anymore and to just flush them down. I didn’t listen.

I didn’t listen because when I was 12 it was easier to keep these things alive. Well up until the time that I perfected the ideal living conditions for my fish to live in. I remember the cause of death at the time for my fish was lack of oxygen which was confusing to me at a time when I wasn’t even a teen. Why would fish need air I though and she explained how it worked. I said she because living in a small town the owner of the pet store was kind enough to come to my house and take a look. What she noticed was stillness in the air with no air pockets breaking the surface so that my fish could have some oxygen to breathe. Can you believe that once this one little ecological hiccup was perfected I was able to keep my fish alive for many, many more years so what happened.

I thought evolution made it so that it was easier for us to survive but it seems to me in our pet stores our pets have a failure to thrive. We as humans took everything away up to and including how to even adapt. Before there was air and water filters and all sorts of pumps, goldfish used to live in those bowls for who knows how many years. Maybe that was the joke. Maybe they all died and it was up to the parents of our little ones to fish out this fact and hide the truth. Maybe we all at one time had the oldest living goldfish who by all intents and purposes would have been 10 or 12 original goldies removed.

So what is the point that I am trying to make? The point is that if you are truly in tune with the world around you, you should be able to tell that something is off before it is way too late. Looking at my second Goldie doing what our first did I couldn’t let this be the end of his life. Google only tells you so much so it was off to trust the professionals when during these times it is the best you can do.

Telling the pet store attendant what was happening I told her how I didn’t want this fish to die. My intentions were never to offer them up as an experiment but now that they are dying I am not sure what to do, then I cried. Over a fish. I felt ridiculous as heck. I stumbled over my words as I exclaimed that all life was equal to me, ya right right. How can anybody value this small little fish that they only had a week?

In my mind I tried to do everything as I took a water sample in to see what was happening. The water reading read high levels of ammonium so I was off to change the tank once again. What I noticed when I was cleaning was all the pellets of food that was left behind. I don’t believe this fish has ever eaten which has resulted in his food rotting into a toxic wasteland. Now what? I can’t ask this guy what is wrong. I know that I have failed him once again so it might be time to move along.

The last thing that it can be is the fascination that my cats have. They didn’t bother the crab that much so it was maybe foolish for me to assume that a little fishy would be ok too. All day long those cats are batting on that glass. If you are a being trying to take in your surroundings you would wonder what gives and how long this can go on for and last. I am assuming as he looks out and sees these cats with drool on their lips that he might be getting a little bit alarmed. I think what is happening is their hearts are giving out and it is the stress of their living environment that is making it so they can’t go on. So I moved him.

I moved him into the Oasis of my house where all lives that were forgotten about have come to rest. He will find solace in the silence until the birds awake from the sun cresting over the mountains as the day breaks saying goodbye to the moon I hope there is something inside of him that knows I tried my best. This is my purpose keeping these beings alive. I can make it a proper oasis with flowers, fruits and vegetables all designed to help us thrive.

This one little room holds so much and yet not everybody gets to appreciate and see. I am so thankful for the chance to show them some type of salvation so that they can see that life and man really aren’t that bad in fact we can be nice and allow an opportunity for all others to come back and be.