I finally understand my path now, my whole life’s intent and purpose. For so many years a traversed blindly throughout time and now I believe that I can finally feel safe as my own energy finally begins to fall into place.
What I ignored was the simplistic nature that comes alive when you begin to travel down the right path. There are no bells and whistles when you begin to live your life right, maybe a few goosebumps along the way just to reconfirm that your living your life just right.
My legacy is simple, appreciate life and honour those that travel across your path. Wouldn’t that be ideal. Every life has a purpose and is intrinsically wrapped around the lives that have graced this Earth before. Why would we desire to become anything else then the lives before us? Why do we insist on diluting our own worth so that we can even some sort of score. The problem with keeping tabs on the way the world is going is that anything can be disrupted as we all seemingly lose control.
No questions asked I want to live in the image of my Grandmother. Forget social media and all other avenues where we forget our senses and begin to lose control. Staring down at my phone I hope to get likes but my media accounts always move in the wrong direction instead. The more honest and more like myself I am the more likely it is that I am going to scare everybody away. The only thing that sells is sex, drugs and rock and roll and I don’t think I can buy into that routine anymore.
I don’t like how desensitized we all are and I want to focus my attention onto something else like my life and house. How would I feel if my house felt the way that I feel inside? Not when I feel desperate but when I am happiest and full of life. Can I embody that feeling and make it so it comes alive inside of my every day?
A routine is absolutely essential and I think that I have one that my Grandmother would approve. When the rest of the house is still sleeping is when I get myself fired up and ready to be on the move, well not really. I do all the things that I can do before the rest of the house is awake. I gage myself by the crest of the sun that has a way of rearing it’s head over the mountains right before the rest of the house is awake and it begins with the birds.
Those poor little birds that were thrown away for not being able to sing. If only there previous owners knew that it is there most favourite thing. The budgies sing all day now with the guidance of a lone canary. There are even birds that hang around the windows outside trying to see what all the commotion is that is coming from within. These beautiful yellow birds have become the start of my Grandmother’s legacy. There is nobody who loved their chickens more than my Grandma and my heart sings with so much pride every time their song brings my house alive.
I am not going to be swayed no more by holidays. If I love my family I am coming to celebrate them every damn time. I don’t need Hollywood to tell me how to feel and what to do with it, I am going to start honouring that entity that can be found inside and that entity looks and sounds like my Grandmother and I couldn’t be happier or be filled with anymore pride.
What a great woman to model myself after. Giving more of myself then I have ever had to give I couldn’t imagine a better way of being or spending most of my time. I think my Grandmother was the epitome of what life was like before the internet took off. I am not even sure if she was around for when it all began.
What I remember most about that woman is that even in death that she did the very best that she could. She gave of herself even when her body was ravished over with cancer and I couldn’t think of another being who surpassed her own worth. She was so selfless and kind and cared for her man child into his ripe middle age. I will never forget her face when it was so battered and broken when she slipped on the ice just outside of his stairs. She never complained just made that click with her teeth. I hope that she knows that everyday that I still honour her and I count my blessings in the hopes that one day we will come together again and finally meet.
I cry because I hurt. I hurt because you died and I don’t know if I will ever feel the same way again. I am guarded against those that have always made fun of me and cursed my good name any chance that they could and did. Even though I have been pushed aside by those that used to love me I still hold onto my memories to get me through these trying times.
My own legacy has become the one in which I chose to honour you in all those good ways that you brought everything into life. I miss the ways that you used to teach me about having grace and exercising your right to be kind. I guess where I step out of it is when I try to share my story. My Grandmother was always insistent on keeping your mouth shut. Don’t speak ill about anybody especially when it comes to family and build each other up instead of trying to seek out and destroy.