Why it sucks to be me is because I can feel your pain. I don’t need to know of you but if I know that pain was felt in this lifetime by someone then I can shed a tear for you.
I get made fun of for this reason. It’s the number reason why I want to keep everybody away. I am far too sensitive. I wish I wasn’t. I wish there was some way that I can ignore what is about to happen to every single one of us like it wasn’t coming for us like a high speed bullet on a one way track.
Music is the only thing I can relate to. Those words that some have spoken or for those that light like an enigma that can never truly come back. Alive? Maybe but only when I close my eyes and let myself go into a world where nobody can find me and it no longer hurts. I wait for that day when somebody comes looking for me and finally takes me away.
I trust nobody because I have bared to witness to those words that others utter just to receive accolades while there best friends wait in the side wigs hoping to not get hurt. I feel I was a loner for a better part of my life. That is what makes it so utterly painful to have a partner that will never understand me in this life.
Imagine what people have said to seem popular or just to be able to put in their two cents. Cents can’t buy you anything anymore, in fact they don’t even make a penny so just like your so called image it becomes non sense.
It doesn’t matter truly because at the end of the day it will ALL be gone. Not just the things that you worked tooth and nail for I promise you there is nothing in this lifetime that you will be able to take to your grave. Everybody these days becomes collateral damage and it just makes me want to cry. I think my son asks me best when he is always wondering why?
Why is the almighty dollar so important and who in hell insisted that we made it this way. I feel there was a time when we lived with way more compassion but there was a turn that enticed us to act so depraived.
Imagine a time when we truly were gracious when we cared what was going to happen to the inhabitants of the world. Was there ever a time where living was like this because even as I say this I can hear how it sounds so absurd.
I don’t want to cry anymore but what am I supposed to do with all this hurt? All I see around me is all these people who don’t give a damn and my heart and mind is working in overdrive and I truly am starting to feel incredibly berzerk.
A simple life, a normal life is that too much to ask? It is until you step outside and then you are in direct competition with everybody that you come into contact with. Those judgmental eyes and upturned noses is what makes me want to turn and run. I have no rebuttal for that kind of treatment except for to smile and nod and come across even more awkward and bubbly and in mind that has always made every circumstance worse.
Everyday I wake up and think is today the day that one of us is going to die. It is a huge weight to bare and I take it on alone and I think it has affected me too. Every which way I turn all I hear is how I am crazy and I wonder what I have done to constantly deserve all this hurt.
I am already weak by nature based on the Earth’s growing short comings but I am very uncomfortable at times trying to decide what to do. Do I have to do anything or can I just coast and exist. I wish that was an option especially on days when I begin to feel like this.
I wonder if people think I am ok with being who I am? Don’t they think that I wish I could blink and it would just go away. The only people I want around me are those that even try a little bit to understand me and not those that point and prod at me until I break down. Those people know me by name and they kind of get off with knowing that their actions are making me insane.
Imagine being forced to feel everything where does one go to get any kind of relief. There is white noise that can be heard coming from the horizon and I know that it is over once that age old humming finally hits my ears.
I find myself asking for forgiveness for the shortcoming that so many humans possess. Wouldn’t you want a life that is a little bit easier where you are welcome to get what is bothering you off of your chest. Why let it fester and pus until there is nothing that anybody around you can even do? There is only so much anybody can take when they are forced to live beside so much negativity that is you.
Everybody believes themselves to be an empath as they carry on about their day. That is the thing about a true empath there is no way that it could ever be that easy. With so many qualms in this growing cold world I don’t see how anybody can just shrug all that negativity off. It is suffocating by nature as what was once commonplace as seemingly just gotten in the way. Remember the days when family was the be all end all now can you ever find all the members of one family to be in one place? Gone are the memories of Sunday’s around the TV to watch Disney replaced with the fractured memories of who we used to be.