Fitting In

In a world where we desire to be different don’t we all end up conforming to be the same? The lies we tell not only to ourselves but to each other will make it so we will never believe in anything or anyone ever again.

I consider all of my surroundings before calculating my next move. I over analyze the value in the moment until I realize that to most living is nothing but a game. It is hard to know who is your enemy, worst yet how will you ever know a foe? There are those that are present just to feel something then there are those with absolutely nowhere to go.

Those that try to capitalize off of one another while keeping each other down are the worst type of life forms. I can’t believe some of the lies said about me but the fruit never falls from the tree. I would love to believe the hype that surrounds me but for the most part I can barely breathe. Call it a heightened sense of anxiety or fear of being accepted that leaves me looking around at all the people that be.

People are the one entity that can control everything so I wonder what makes them want to engage in evil instead? The type of activities that will suppress and keep others down with little to no inkling or even a fault or care of their own. I think this is what leads me to desire a lifetime filled with only myself. People disappoint me in every possible way. I don’t know how to feel about them really or even truly what to say.

Imagine being a human but that is not how you identify. How can I identify with a race that wants to dominate and control everybody. I would say anybody who appears different but that is not the case. What we want is a world that listens and conforms so it becomes easier to live day to day.

We will work our fingers to the bone paying taxes for another family to grandly live. I don’t know if I was the leader of MY country I would like to believe that I was worthy enough to be living in my own community. Why live in such a grandiose display that out matches everybody in your common, how is that the way to live?

When I think of the elite I think they must have sold their soul to the devil in order to live in such a way. I know that in my mind I always recite that if that is the case I can live modestly today. There is nothing wrong with a modest style living that caters to your family. There was a time when a family was all you wanted now you are off running with another crowd who could even care less.

It’s like a mantra that I chant. When things go wrong I say that it is ok. That if this is the worst that can happen I will take it and be on my way. I don’t like cursing and swearing when things start going wrong, misplaced keys, a stubbed toe, a bounced cheque anything simple that can go wrong. I will take that and I will take that too. If there is the need for an energy that is borderline bad I will take that because I know what to do.

Carry it with you and let it dissipate into your life. If you focus on what is negative then it will be only negativity that you will end up getting back. Think of ying and yang there has to be an oppositional force. Maybe that is why the world is becoming the way that it is because of all the sadness and rage we all try to keep to ourselves and work through.

The Universe wants to recognize all the good things that she gives to us. The promise of furry and feather companionship and the understanding of an ecosystem that once ruined will never come back. Imagine watching the gifts that you gave to us human we just took to them as we laughed. We hunted precious animals into oblivion convinced that this was our human right to do.

How is leaving 99% of what an animal was left to rot doing the right thing? I thank you for leaving them in nature so that their bodies can at least be returned to the Earth with the promise of every Spring.

They would have the same fear as a human looking down a double barrel shotgun. Their feet would have remained permanently frozen as their brain tried to tell them to run. The shot that rang out and took them is the same ring that we hear everyday. It is the sound of evil and it is determined on coming at the hands of anybody who is stuck in their rage.

I live my life differently because this is who I am and what I love to do. I know I take for granted sometimes in the simplicity in the moment but that is when I let the way that other people live get in the way. When I close my eyes I am still that little girl running across the field into my Grandpa’s arms. I can see him waiting for me in the distance as he waved in my direction and continued feeding his cows.

At the time this was my best life until another man came around and took it away. He broke all the bonds that I had with my family and he made it almost impossible for me to want to live another day. I tried to take my life. Over and over again. At the time when I was hurting all I thought I wanted was a friend but what I came to know and realize all I wanted was a place where I could be forgiven and where I could fit in.


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