My anxiety is high. I mean full on high. My stomach is turning and regurgitating in every possible way. For as long as I can remember it was be nice to everybody but what if those beings didn’t want to play nice with you? It’s like a set a reminder to never let myself get lost in their company or I may never be seen from ever again.

I remember when I first started this journey. Everybody just laughed at me and wanted me to go away. I was the ticking time bomb that resided in all of their company not allowing others to speak bad about others while their backs were turned. It was shocking to hear what was being said amongst “friends”. I think that was the realization that sent me off and running instead.

Why would anybody want to keep anybody around unless they believed their company would sky rocket them ahead. I didn’t want to be seen with just anybody so I decided I would traverse through this world alone. It’s easier said then down but the rewards are huge. It is incredible what begins to happen when your energy raises the temperature in the room.

Sure, I think we all want to be something or at least leave something for our kids. I think it is strange that I grew up with such a close knit family now we are all estranged. Maybe social media changed the way that we are able to forgive but I know that some things were said about me that almost make it impossible to live.

I used to believe that if I shared my story I would find like minds that will help disperse away the pain. When I think about my life I didn’t mean to do the things that I did but I was still finding my own as I was an incredibly broken kid.

Nothing prepares you for being sexually exposed when you are a kid. I had no idea what sex was even and I was 12 during that time. An older boyfriend taught me what he thought I needed to know. I hated what was becoming of me but if I didn’t play along it would most certainly lead to a fight.

I still hate myself now for those years that I lived. People looked at me differently even though I was still a kid. I missed growing up and coming of age and I think that is why it is so hard for me to just be ok to be. For the first part of my life I was always told what to do and how to act and if I wasn’t listening well enough I would always be met with a slap. I was 12. What did I ever do wrong? I got mixed up with the wrong type of people I am sure you are aware of that same old song.

I still don’t have a voice so I write to get it all out. I wish that life would be easier and that the world would allow us to grow up. For every child that is stunted by an adult trying to have their way I die inside. I think that is why I am so opposed to this whole sexual revolution where all we care about is getting off.

I grew up during a time when porn wasn’t so easily accessible but there I found some right at my fingertips. Back then you had to steal these mags from your parents instead of just hitting search in that google search engine. I don’t know if the world was better when we weren’t made so aware of what happens when we take our clothes off. I am all for empowering the life force that is inside you but I think we should be gentle with the young minds that we are forever imprinting on.

I wish we lived in a world where we honour the being inside. Where we would move hell and high water to make sure that the person inside of us feels free to fly. It is such a cruel world that we live in that has a cutting most of the world off. Why sit there taking beating after beating it doesn’t prove anything not even if you are tough.

There was a time when all I wanted was acceptance now all I care about is the truth. I am tired of m stomach being in knots over what is happening and I am certain that day is coming soon when I finally have had enough.

I wish living was easy and that it made sense. I hate the direction that we are all going, we have become ignorant with our heavenly decent. I can’t imagine another time being more important than this because this is the time that I reside but I promise you this isn’t the be all end all. With a billion people inhabiting Earth the most important time is the minute that we find ourselves in.

I will gravitate towards those that exhibit truth and exercise care. Why make a mountain out of a mole hill when you can see the mountains in the distance over there. The recreation of something into something else is how we prefer to live. We always want to believe there is more to something than accepting it for what it really is.

Who am I? I am just a girl in tune with the world trying to make amends to all the powers out there that will be. It is sad what happens to a life so full of promise at the hands of another human being. That obsessive nature that dictates to them that what they desire is worth it to them and they will do anything in their power just so they can have what it is in this life that they truly want. To each their own I suppose all I want is a friend. Somebody who can be my ride and die and ride it out to the end.