When Rules Apply

The same rules don’t apply to you and me. It all depends on who gets the world wrapped around their finger first. I still remember the mean girls and all the things they said to me right before I turned on my heel and began to leave. To the group of women who prefers to call themselves angels I would rather dance any day with the devil then seemingly be in their control.

Do you remember a time before living hurt? Before all we cared about was being socially accepted and validated by likes and subscribes? It’s a professional to get the rest of the world to fall in love with you by any means possible even if it means laying still on your back.

There are so many derogatory terms going around like “pound town”. I don’t know about you but this is the reason why intimacy between two people has seemingly fallen away. I don’t want somebody to have to brutalize my body in order to get off. Leaving my body covered with bruises and scars all so they can have a better day. That pain that is necessary for them to get off should be alarming as my thoughts veer off towards the man and human who are only satisfied by all things depraved.

I like to think that I come from a place of purity. That even if I chose to bare my body and show my skin there is a reason for me to bare all in this way. When I decide to be revealing it is to try and empower somebody else. Maybe there is somebody who is hurting from something that is being said and for whatever reason I feel like it is up to me to try and put these people into place.

I try anyways and the first thing I try to do is by taking my support away. I don’t want to listen to anybody insulting and making a mockery out of anybody because I know what it feels like to be treated this way.

I know what it feels like to get all dolled up and get ready to those friends to promise to take you to a car show that never arrived. Well, they never stopped to pick you up but they sure made sure they they stopped by and got their own photos to show off. This is why I stopped attending EVERYTHING in my area. These girls were too superficial and shallow for me to depreciate my worth any further.

Hang out with like minded people and you will end up where they are going. Step out to try and live your life a little differently and **poof** all your bills are suddenly paid. I didn’t have to live a life that had anything less than honourable intentions and then the Universe can’t help but reward you with such. Well that is what I believe. Look for the answers in all the simple things that mainstream media is trying to convince you to ignore. That’s the poison and that is what brings us shame. All the things between us that tells us that we can never be the same.

I wonder what life would feel like if we weren’t blown up everybody’s *ss. I wonder what it would look like if our relationships were meant to grow organically instead of trying to figure out all these other beings we are working so tirelessly to surpass. Why does it matter if so and so lives her life a little differently as long as she is happy what more can we actually ask?

I remember when life first started feeling out of control. I was left alone with my feelings listening to Nirvana trying to understand the world. When he died I was devasted. I couldn’t just run and Google what happened. There was no conspiracy theories just headlines. Grunge start kills himself with a shotgun. WTF WHY? He just had a baby. I will never forget that crushing feeling when it came to learning my idol was dead but that wasn’t the first of people I adored that would be forced to go.

I remember EXACTLY where I was when I watched Princess Diana getting rushed to the hospital. You never forget that blow wondering what happened and if the powers that be were in control. That was the first exposure we had to the manipulation of the media and the outcry that could be heard around the world as dawn began to break that morning. I think many of us were left wondering why and why it was her that had to go.

Growing up before social media and the internet all we could do was marinade in our emotions so that is what I did. I began to disassociate myself from the world that already appeared to be so different. I was tired of being insulted and made fun of for who I was born to be. I was born into a proud line of farmers yet there were those kids who desired to bully me.

It still haunts me to this day being teased for smelling like cow sh*t, I think it is the equivalent feeling for when kids bully other kids for smelling like fish. It all hurts and makes a dent in our personality making us truly feel uncomfortable for just being able to be. I hated myself from a very young age and tried to conform in order to be somebody. I think that is why I feel so much sadness inside that used to be rage.

I used to be mean because truly I was scared because I knew I was different then everybody else. I wish I could stop feeling all the emotions that make up everybody because this type of delusion is making me insane. Imagine caring about those that only care about you when nobody else wants to and everybody stops coming around. No not me. Not ever again. I would rather be alone then fall for that energy ever again.


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