Distorted Energies

I decided to honour my truth and my own identity even if it is incredibly hard for others to begin to perceive. Once you have been hurt by those who have sworn to always protect you then it becomes easier to honour the light that has always been flickering for all that have happened to find themselves around me to see.

We only live once don’t we so isn’t it in our best interests to honour our own truths? To stop harming those that are trying to find shelter and safety in our comfort instead of being banished into the night into the arms of the monsters that be.

There are some that are so jealous from your drive and determination that they will say anything and everything in the hopes that their words will land inside of another’s ears. This kind of malicious behaviour is alarming and this is something that I can no longer be a part of because I can hardly believe.

Shark tooth smiles are all I see around me. The wider the grin the greater the bite so you better have your wits about you and your spidey senses in tune. Today is the day that I decided to go ahead and honour my triggers by deleting those who are friends with my enemies, what is the sense of keeping them around?

No conversations can ever be had between those that I thought were friends because now they are somebody I can no longer trust. Once your eyes have been opened to the words and hate that are being said about you, you have no choice but to begin to close yourself off.

Of course you don’t want to because you know how badly it hurts to be ridiculed and tormented so that you begin to feel lower than dirt. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to be hurt anymore but there is no way possible I would want anybody to feel like me. I know what it feels like to be hurt deeply and endlessly so I keep a little bit of my heart open just to appease the powers that be.

Do you know what is impossible? Knowing without a doubt who you are in this cruel, cold world. The more you put yourself out there the crueler the world gets so you have to have a thick skin to deal with the trolls out there are their words might make you sick. It is hard to imagine being affected by somebody who doesn’t even know you but some people get off trying to master how you tick.

If they get under your skin they are winning and wants they are inside of you there is no way to get them out. They start perverting all your thoughts and the way you feel about yourself. That is the monster inside of them that wants to control everything that you do.

Your light threatens them, maybe even burns them at times and that is why they will do anything possible just to dull your shine. They will tell lies and fabricate stories that are untrue they will make you take a million step backs just wondering what it is that you should do.

In times such as this have a strong moral compass is the only chance you have in making it through. I want to believe that honouring your truth and trying to live righteous will reward you in time that you never thought was possible but in your heart you always kind of knew. Well you always kind of hope that the right moral actions will be rewarded instead of always having to pay such a high cost.

Do you like being lied to or having stories told about you especially when you are no longer present or able to to enter into their room. When you learn about the lies it takes the wind out of your sails and threatens to sink your ship so that you can no longer move. Why would they even bother? What could they even have to gain? There is something about the one who knows everything that has them all saying the same.

I will never forget the horrors of being exposed to this kind of behaviour and never being sure what it was I was supposed to do. The only thing I could think of was to remove myself from the situation and never expose myself to these people again. So that is what I did.

I put a value on myself and my family that can never be touched and kept those around me who respected my values as such. Time is something that is always fleeting so why would I waste it listening to all the ways that Peter robbed Paul. Well not entirely but you get the point. Nobody needs to hear that they are ugly and nobody wants others to tease them for being fat but that is what happens and I will never understand it. These people who can quickly insult others are ones that will be put on the back burner with no possibility of coming back.

As hard as it is to say there are those that just want to hurt others and there are those that are too weak inside to want to put them in their place so they agree with them in silence. I remember when it first started happening I did exactly the same thing. There are those that just want to bully anybody who doesn’t fit in and who appear different because there is something inside of us that just wants to get off.

No matter what happens today I want to try and capture the moments in time that I want to remember and put less weight into what others out there want to see. These are my memories and I want to honour them instead of distorting them to entice an energy that isn’t me.

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