What Makes Me Sick

I know I am going to be hated for this one but I feel like I need to have my say. I fear for the direction that the world is going that there is no hope for brighter days. I like to believe we have role models that lead by setting good examples but I can see how those role models are few and far between. Take this idea that we are standing up for those who are being abused but then we make comical memes about getting dominated and hit for the whole world to be on display.

I understand that we ALL need to be in control of our own sexual exploitation but I do fear for everyone in the world when it is done so publicly. I am all for freedom and speech and all that jazz but all we end up doing is putting power back into the evilest of hands.

What about consent? Sure you might have it in your viral TikToks and memes but what about the young girl going on a date for the first time whose date believes that this in fact his own reality. That he believes that girls in fact like being dominated and hit and when she says no she is just playing into the game. That is what I see and feel when so many people are making videos about their own sexual domination but it makes me feel scared as I run to the shadows and cower away.

The biggest oxymoron that I have seen was a believer against domestic abuse and violence having a dominatrix at her award show giving away trophies. Doesn’t that seem like a trigger? Like a cross of two worlds? I am one for empowering woman but I don’t think it should be that proverbial slap in the face.

The different between me and the rest of the world is I was abused when I was just a girl so abuse became a makeup of who I was meant to be. I would never turn my back on others that needed my help and I can’t understand the beliefs of others who insist on behaving in such a way. On the same note I can’t joke around about being hit or deserving to be dominated. I believe this goes against everything that makes us human in the most perverse of ways.

As women we have the greatest opportunity to bond together without leaving anybody behind. We are the role models to our growing children and we bring our values to life so we can release them to the air. What do I know right? I am just an old coot with a chip on my shoulder and a knife in my back. If that’s what you believe.

I am an advocate for living your best life without leaving any woman and child behind. I fear for those that make a mockery of this dynamic as they forever dig there fit to get a stronghold in the sand.

The saddest thing in the world is believing all the lies as they are said to be. There is a reason why the story isn’t exactly why it unfolded with the perfect absence of specific words. I am not for one to try and use my position of power especially when it is our children who will end up damaged.

Just take a step back and take a look around. Do so in silence or what you are looking for may never be found. When I spend too much time focused or worrying about the wrong people I riddle over with my pain. It’s not that I want to be thinking about them because in wasting my thoughts I have nothing to gain.

I need to focus on myself and the energy I emit and fully believe that I can help somebody else. Telling my story helps alleviate the guilt. The guilt that I have been carrying that I am worthless and lower than dirt.

I know that I am different and that is why I was chosen for this life. I can’t believe that at only 12 I was abused for a year and half of that life. And really abused. I was bitten and had cigarettes put out on me and I even had underwear ripped off of me. All for standing up for myself and not wanting to do whatever it was he wanted just so that he could get off. That is why all these memes about doms and brats really trigger me. It seems like a reality that needs to be kept behind closed doors. I wish I could scroll through my social media with never ever having to see more.

Shouldn’t there be a special place for this type of display. I know I can go ahead and block everybody by why is it up to me to have to behave in such a way. I don’t see social media as a safe place anymore but a breeding ground for abuse. It has been exceptionally hard to create content these days when I see everything around me that is happening.

So should I be the hermit shut off from the rest of the world? I just think there needs to be a better platform for this sexual behavior to be performed. An example begins to form in young peoples minds that no doesn’t actually mean no just give them a punch and a slap in the face believing what is yours is actually mine.

Maybe we have too much time on our hands that make us believe we are happiest behaving this way. There is so much more to experience in this life then getting the crap beat out of you as you keep begging for more. Sorry if I seem bothered but I am triggered just a bit. The idea that at anytime a man is justified in hitting a woman is the very essence in this world that makes me sick.


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