A Positive Change

Life has always appeared incredibly daunting. Looking to the future I would just get exhausted and out of sorts. The life that I had been living was all for show and now I am wondering if my family will pay the ultimate price.

My positive change has always to keep my nose to the grind and keep on working. Don’t let anybody distract you from that end goal even though you know that distraction is sure to come. Stand strong in your own fortitude and faith and have a strong sense of your identity before you begin to move forward.

I am born different. I was raised different with the storm that I was forced to move through being the one sense of reality that I would refuse to ever let go. My pain I used to define me realizing my pain wasn’t the only suffering inside of this cruel world. As I was left exposed, open to everybody something began to happen to me that I no longer had any control.

I felt things differently and I would use those feelings to be the change that I needed in my world. I could feel the feelings that were coming in and threatening to suffocate me as I was left bleeding with no apparent wound.

Are you alone in this world because I feel you and I am here to tell you in your darkest hours that you are going to be ok. What you need to believe is that you are worthy of a life full of promise and forgiveness that will start working for you when you begin to change.

I remember girlfriends crying to me about how they feared they would have to live this life alone. The families that they wanted and the babies that they craved were slipping through their fingers as time kept marching on. They could never hear me though. I would always warn them to mindful of the company that they kept, why do they think I removed myself from the situation and never went back no more?

Toxic energy breeds in even more toxic grounds feeding off of each other before no identity can every be found. It is that fear of never being enough or never being accepted that makes us feel desperate and oh so alone.

I felt that loneliness every time a walked home in the wee hours of the morning after my last shift. I craved having somebody to be able to come home too and call a family but as the age kept creeping on I knew that it was going to end up being a dream.

When 37 happened and I still had no prospects I did something I was scared of so I enrolled back into school. I couldn’t believe that I was recommitting myself to another 10 months but I was growing tired of all the minimum wage jobs too.

Don’t get yourself fooled I already had a Finance Degree but there was something so off putting in this career I had chosen for an empath such as me. They don’t warn you about the repo calls or the defaulted mortgages or the mothers who would fraudulent checks so they could put diapers on their babies. Sometimes you are these families last hope of dignity and we rip it right from under them before they even stand up to leave.

Without hope who are we? Nothing. So I knew in my heart that I needed to change. I needed to truly love who it was that I was becoming without letting so many haters interjecting with their words and their hateful say.

How I spend everyday is I am always giving back to the lives that I have committed to love and care for until they rest and take their last breath. There is something so rewarding and satisfying to have so many little creatures look at you with kind eyes. They know that I am their saviour and constant companion and that has been the shift in energy that I look for and constantly need.

I need to feel the love and happiness of so many around me because in life there is so many others that insist on taking it away. My animals and plants look to me for their joy and their is something so incredibly to be said for that.

To give up your life in order to tend to so many others is one of the most selfless things I have ever done and most will never understand. Once you take on one commitment the rest are easy because you are have agreed to give up so many years of your life (I like to think of it as the next 15. The average lifespan of all the animals in my care).

That is my positive change. A commitment to give back. That if it is brought to my attention to an animals that is suffering I will do everything in my power to bring happiness back into their lives. This is how this life path started as I desired to help just one. Once you start helping one there is always one more because no species should ever have to live out their days alone.

We aren’t alone anymore because we have each other and a commitment to be here. Everyday is one filled with constant planning and even balancing because there is always somebody around here that is needing something else.

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