Internal Strength

What would you do with your life if you had the power to live your life differently? Would you merrily keep going down the same path or would you kick your heels up screaming?

Would you trust the new people you find yourself surrounded around or would you move forward with apprehension with open heart and ears. Not everybody is the same. Just because we find ourselves being drawn out in a certain way that shouldn’t mean that is all we are forced to become and even hear.

I believe fully we become who we surround ourselves by hence why I am careful and why I normally don’t leave the house. There is so much love and laughter here why would I want to wish it all away. Eventually everybody here must go but I can marinade in their presence each day can’t I? If I fully love who I am becoming why would I yearn to live my life any other way.

The only thing I would change is the surroundings in our house. I want our house to portray a time in our lives where love and life is most important. We all have been thrown away at some point in our lives or another. My vow was to never allow any of my new friends to ever have to suffer again. My biggest fear is that I may have to go before they all do so I have to ensure that the time we do have is the best feeling one can have on Earth.

Agree to disagree but vacations were few and far between with the next addition to our family being the final nail our vacation casket needs. Sure I want to travel and get to see all the things but those type of trips are always few and far between so how can I put a price on that. The joy that I get from being all of my pets little slice of Heaven here on Earth is better than any trip that I can take here on Earth.

The ability to be selfish has already began to leave my body. I think that is how I knew I was destined to be somebody else. I crave to be connected to all of life’s force beginnings and energy like only somebody who is spiritual awoke actually can. There is something so strange about a being who is so forthcoming, it is like their presence gives you all the answers that you have ever asked and needed to know.

What is the one thing that nobody can take away? Well what are the things that other people shouldn’t desire to destroy? The way we feel about ourselves? Our presence in this world? Why is it so hard for some of us to get our barrings and feel somewhat in control?

The wolves are coming in their packs and they are large. They are coming for our jugulars and there is no chance once they are one we will ever be able to get them off. They stayed in the shadows for too long circling and circling until we became their prey.

I smelled them coming as all my hair stood on edge. I could tell what they were about and could see that the furthest from their minds was being friends. When you are surrounded by that type of energy it takes everything inside of you not to run and hide. I have come face to face with a monster before and I was lucky enough to survive.

The life I live now is nothing short of magic. My days are filled in Snow White splendor as I love and care for so many living beings. Of course I still have dreams of more as I fill up with confidence and beam with pride but I will always remember what it felt like when I was slowly dying on the inside.

I remember what it felt like to be the disposable friend that was so easy to throw away. I remember how scared and lonely I began to felt as the friends I thought I had in this life began to turn. In one full swoop I realize what I had just did. I gave somebody else the power to end me when I believed that all they wanted was to be my friend.

Ulterior motives are the worst kind of drive. The ones who don’t care what happens when your heart is ripped open, the ones who will watch you bleed out and die. I have had those vultures as friends. The ones who want to take your bite of pie right from out of your mouth.

I always take a step back and consider the ones who are at the ultimate advantage. The ones who have the most to gain if you fall and never get back up. Are those friends that you waste your breath on singing their accolades and praises are they the ones you find yourself around when you need somebody around the most. Think about it. I always consider who I might find myself around every time I decide to pick up and leave the house.

What about our children. Should they be continuously used as pawns in other peoples sick games. You know those people I speak of. The ones who decide that children don’t get a voice so they decide to try and manipulate their say. The shove ideas and opinions so far down their throats they can not breathe and I don’t quite understand the being who insists this is the only way to be.

I have always been content to live my life differently with little to no consideration to what other beings around me or spinning their wheels trying to saying. I have already heard the lies that have been spun and told about me hence why I turned my focus around and decided not to run and find the strength to live another day. What I focused the most on is the love that I have for my home and family leaving those that hate me most left wondering how it is in this life that I found my strength to just be free.


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