We all have triggers don’t we? Triggers for different purposes and different things? Some triggers are good such as cravings for ice cream but others have us reeling for days and we have no idea as to why.
It can come on for no reason like it came way out of left field but once somebody has been triggered it can take awhile to diffuse the situation. Maybe it isn’t even a situation but its alive and well in your head. Imagine the battle that ensues once it has started ravaging your free thinking and leaving you for dead.
Nothing triggers me more than people being mean and that can simply boil down to the tone of somebody’s voice. Once their voice is laced with so much contempt and disgust it takes everything inside of me not to turn and run away. I hate people being mean to each other it’s the ugliest emotion one can put on. That mask once it’s off it becomes all you see and I for one am heartbroken in all the ways mankind prefers to get off.
We live in such a fragile time that so many of us are trying to get our footing and barring’s that it happens all the time. At least it does to me. People are so rude to each other and I think it is all because they are hiding behind a screen. The level of disrespect that is interwoven into everyday just makes me insane and I can’t help but wonder why life has to be this way.
Where did we veer wrong that we give little thought to how other people will feel and react? Are we really that cruel and cold with our own persona’s that we leave our happy endings buried in the sand? I am all for public outcry but what if the drag that was happening didn’t make any sense? What if somebody just asked a simple question with the reaction being let’s string them up by their feet. Is that a normal reaction for somebody who just wants to be?
With all that being said should my triggers cause a hindrance on another persons life? I don’t think so. I think there has to be an onus and responsibility on how it is we decide to play. For me I had to cut out a lot of people from my life because I believe that like minds flock together. I have a hard time believing those that are friends with my arch enemy and nemesis. Don’t you? You know the ones that are always the first one out to get you and the first one to tell whomever will listen all their pretentious lies.
There time will come I keep telling myself as I let them walk down the path of least resistance. I don’t need to be anywhere where anybody else is I need to firmly believe that I will be just fine on my own. Remember when I used to encourage everybody to become their own biggest fan? That kind of attitude still applies to this day.
Our triggers are born because of somebody else not able to have their way. They used their power and exerted themselves over us making it almost impossible for us to ever leave. Once you are caught in something it is impossible to get out, well at least by yourself. We all need a helping hand from time to time we just have to ensure that the hand that we have decided to hold is the right one.
Did you ever get yourself into a situation where you were triggered by somebody else that in turn triggers them? Whose trigger rules supreme? Whose feelings are validated while the other persons feelings are left floating off downstream? Only one can win or at least come out on stop with the one who is most bothered feeling lower than the dirt on the ground. That is how it looks and feels to me. Somebody has to always lose out and more often than not that person losing was me.
My triggers brings me to a place where I sometimes can’t get out. I fall into a dark pit of despair and isolation believing all the hateful things that are being said about myself. Of course that is where I go when that switch has been turned on. I go right back to being that scared little kid every time I think somebody is turning on me.
I draw myself deeper back as I get too scared to even speak. I know how words can get twisted. I know how other people act and think. Once they smell the blood they can’t help but circle in close. They can’t wait to rip your limbs from your torso making it so you can never believe in yourself again.
My triggers prevent me from doing anything else. I crumble into a ball on the floor as I wait for death to take me so I can become anybody else. I curse this life and all the opportunities I ever had. My triggers make me see the game for what it is making me feeling broken and completely sad.
I don’t see any hope or future when I begin to feel this way. I know that it is what the haters want as they get off on other peoples pain. I think that is the ultimate sign of betrayal. What others do with the information that you provide them just so they can be at the top for once is the ultimate display of disrespect and rage. The lies that others tell so that others will believe them is something I can never understand. Not even to this day.
When all you have been surrounded by is lies you begin to demand nothing but the truth. There is no time to keep those less valuable around you as you look for a life filled with less triggers, the kind of triggers that were responsible for robbing you of your youth.