A Disadvantage

My problem with life is I am incapable of meeting anybody eye to eye. I can’t relate to their heart and that is a growing problem for me. There is nothing on this earth I won’t do to protect and animal, plant or small child and I will grow distance between me and anybody else who doesn’t feel the same.

I am a farm girl and it is all the things most desperate that brings me right to my knees. I wish I could save all the living entities from being cast away and disposed away like they are garbage, this is the biggest difference I can see between you and me.

I will sacrifice my whole life in order for one tiny being to feel safe. I will break my back and all current relationships because there aren’t many who could ever understand. I am driven by money because humans made that way. Unfortunately I need it so that we can all live and breathe.

This life not many understand. How you can give up your whole life for living beings? How could you feel any sort of happiness when you are forever bound to your house? Coming from a time when I had absolutely nothing this is a blessing in disguise.

I hated living alone hence why I would gravitate towards anybody. Feeling utterly worthless I would look for anybody just to fill up time and space. I didn’t value my existence all I was trying to do was finish the race. I would isolate myself from almost everybody because there was something in their psyche telling me that they weren’t ok.

If you have a chance to meet me you will see that I prefer your presence with closed eyes. I want to feel who you are before you say anything, that energy will tell me all I need to know as it cuts through all your lies. People are highly manipulative and it is this fear that makes it hard for me to open up. Once our relationship begins to sour between us you will never see or interact with me before I finally die.

I am stubborn, more stubborn than most. I won’t allow the wool to pulled over my eyes unless I am the one in control. I will dot all my i’s and cross all my t’s just so I don’t have to admit that you were somebody I used to know.

I consider where I am going when this is all over and the type of people I want to keep around. I would rather live like Snow White in the upcoming after life then get sucked under from all the evil we indulge in and finally committ.

Do you believe in getting rewarded for doing absolutely nothing but loving God’s creatures because I do. I never would have believed it before but after carefully considering all the variables it has left me lusting for more.

In my mind snails don’t exist in Alberta. I have yet to see one in the six years I have lived here up until today. As I went into my Critter Room to turn on my lights and feed all my crew I couldn’t believe my eyes as I left shrieking from the room.

I ran to my husband asking when and how did he give me this gift. He looked at me with crazed eyes as he told me that I must have went to the pet store. Believe me when I say this I DID NOT. What I couldn’t believe and I still don’t believe even though I had seen it with my own eyes but there on the glass of our aquarium a baby snail was making his rounds!

Don’t get confused I always wanted a snail for my Betta but there was never ever any at the pet store and by what could only be the grace of God there is a little bean for my fish to be friends with! I still don’t believe it and I have entered that room twice! How is this a life that is even possible because I am so thankful that I am worthy for this.

When I think about all the superficial moves one makes just to get ahead it makes me shiver in my boots. Why do we need a day to celebrate when we should be celebrating every day for the gift that it is?

Let’s indulge all of our senses for a moment and be thankful for all that life brings. I am so thankful for the moment that I get to awaken to all of these lives that I always dreamed possible when I was a kid. Sure I love the lavish lifestyle but where does it get you in the end? It gets you isolated waiting alone for death to come get you living you wonder what it is that you did.

As I move forward in this world I am always careful to who I let in. It’s not like I am doing anything but caring for the lives I found wondering how I can bring us all to the next level. I want us all to have a life that brings us pride and happiness as we all receive comfort from each other.

There are those out there who will sell themselves short and not lift a finger. They are the ones who are quick to judge and tell you what is up without even knowing a single thing about you. I am careful of these types who are incapable of being honest with themselves. I am tired of the masks that people wear when just being ourselves should be enough.

If I am going to be manipulated then I am not going to stick around. There is no value added that can be had by anybody and no morals to be found. The lies that people tell make my head spin. Do people actually believe that they have the advantage and that it finally their time to win?


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