I do everything I can to provide for my family creatively without putting them in harms way. Harm would be a lifestyle that can bring them pain in every inconceivable way.

Until you have stared into the eyes of the killer can you really still believe that there is good still left in this world? I have gazed into the eyes of many killers not fully understanding their place on my timeline are the struggle in my heart that I would be forced to endure. There are some that believe that what others have acquired should be theirs so they will bludgeon and beat until they can take everything their victim had and more.

Some people believe that you absorb the other persons life essence. That’s why some killers go on hunting for even more. Once they get a taste for what they have done they can’t stop. They will never stop. It is like a hunger that leaves them starving so that they will never quite get enough.

Mean people are like that. Always feeding on the weak so they can take their place. I still can’t believe we live in a world where anybody could forgo their family just to get their rocks off and cheap thrills. The very fact that this keeps getting done tells me that sex is not the feeling we are supposed to be focusing on. It is like the devil said we as humans are weak and we are always looking for our fill.

I already have to live in a world where women and children are collateral damage and instead of throwing them away so they can go on living we decide to take their very lives. How incredibly selfish and monstrous is that deed. You can’t bare to see your offspring happy so you lower them into an oil vat? “Daddy please don’t do this to us. Please don’t let us die.” Imagine those are the last words you hear from you child as you close the lid and let them die.

If you don’t know who I am talking about I am talking about Chris Watts (a pitiful excuse for a man https://www.eonline.com/ca/news/1298766/the-unraveling-of-chris-watts-before-he-murdered-his-family). How gross are the pictures that he portrayed. He portrayed himself as a loving husband and dad. Somebody who would have protected them with his life, doing anything that he could except for keeping it in his pants.

He killed his wife while she was pregnant. What kind of monster does that. You can’t eliminate your life you had before you cheated. The timeline just doesn’t work like that. I can’t imagine the guilt that her best friend felt after dropping her off at that house that night. I think that is why we all need to stand up and take notice when our friends tell us something isn’t right.

I can’t help but wonder what goes threw someone’s mind when they are forced to end that way. All their hopes and dreams about a sunny future somehow instantly gets erased. Imagine looking into the eyes of your killer knowing that he once swore to love you in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. Wondering if your girls are going to be safe around this monster as the will inside of you to live just dies.

Aren’t you angry that a spouse can just throw his whole family away like that and move on with their life? I guess there is the fear of having to pay child support for the next 18 years but who made you the master of death to make that decision? I think this crime makes me maddest most of all. I hate a man who turns on their family when they are sleeping, their is nothing more evil in my eyes or no bigger coward.

I just can’t imagine that turn. What makes a person break to believe that their must be another way. That the only way out is to kill and move along. Has that ever worked for another being? I am sure it has but the likelihood of being met with success would be rather small.

The problem with justice is that it always comes to late. Who cares if they are left rotting behind bars because they already took the goodness they gave to this life away. Innocent children you know I just can’t. I don’t see how they could be so harmful when in all truths and recollections they were only just a kid.

Imagine being the woman who could lay beside such a man. The one who pretended like nothing was wrong as you carried yourself along on hikes and dinners and sexual escapades. How long can an affair go undetected before lies are exposed and hearts are forever broken?

I try so hard because I want to live a life happy where I get to protect my family and the only way it can be done these days is with money in the bank. Without money cracks in the foundation begin to form and once those cracks become to obvious there is no hope in hell of ever going back.

I still can’t imagine that night when Shanann came home from a business trip. What was Chris thoughts. What did she walk into? Oh the fear that would have run threw her veins when she realized it was too late. The anger that would have came after but by then it was already too late.

I can’t believe we live in a world where family values are lost and in fact they have been long thrown away. I can’t believe a life where my child doesn’t have a future at the hands of his father, I am unsure what I would even do.

I have to keep on trying even though at times it feels like I am working my fingers to the bone. At least I finally I have a purpose in this life and a place I can finally call home.