I live in a world where people rarely acknowledge you. That the only time they look up from their screens is to demand something else. I mean wouldn’t it kill them to acknowledge your existence and answer the question at hand or does it make sense to ignore a person and just wipe it under the sand?
There are two types of people I have found so far. Those that claim that they want to be your friend and those that don’t want you around. I think the two maybe the same. This is what I have yet to figure out.
Those that want to be your friend put in a little bit of effort and some work and then there are those that don’t want you around but for some reason they always show up. Well they show up as long as it is convenient for them and once that convenience fades away so does that friendship you once have.
My entity, that energy that comes alive inside of me is demanding that I demand to be treated better in every possible way. If somebody can’t acknowledge your existence or answer your question or text. Why keep somebody around you who is going to leave you hanging anyways. That hanging around hurts. That hanging around becomes a noose that is slowly tightening around your neck and I for one am growing sick of allowing people to see me like that.
I am a human too, although I don’t want to be and what humans are capable of is the very one thing that can bring me to my knees. Why be mean when you can be kind? Why tell lies when it is in you to tell the truth? Why push a loner away when you are more than capable of being a friend.
I know I got it all wrong as I wait for text messages that are surely never to come. I never saw myself as collateral damage but the lack of care and concern that is dished out my way will make me believe otherwise. I don’t know why I desired, well still desire, to fit in with this crowd of people anyways. Oh ya my son.
That is why it hurts so much to play the game that we were meant to and watch me be the loser that is left behind. I don’t want anybody to have to pretend to like me. I like who I am and that is more than I can say about anybody else.
Sure my tears come out of frustration because I don’t understand why I always have to live this way. Why does everybody want me to put in so much work and them not a damn thing. I have to come to terms that I will be alone or risk having nothing at all.
Do people actually think that I am too stupid to figure it all out? I could see a liar and a cheat coming from a mile out unfortunately it is my heart that wants to take the time to see what they are about. I want to believe everybody until their demeanor comes into play. Who are you when the lights are off? Are you truly who you say?
I think I have enough negativity around me. My husband hates everything about me. I know that it contradicts everything that I have been saying but I have a son to raise and it all depends on what you believe.
At times I believe having a father around is the right thing to do until he gets mean. I feel bullied and pushed into a corner with him never allowing me to leave. I have no idea how it got this way but when others are so mean outside I am thankful that I have at least somebody. I think I have somebody.
Who do you trust when you have nobody? You trust the person most open and receptive to the being that resides inside you. The one who make you feel at ease and gives you the courage to come out and play. This is the dynamic that becomes even more suffocating when you are encouraging your little offspring to do the same.
It isn’t so easy making friends when you are an adult. In fact I find it increasingly impossible and something that I find rather odd. I always go into a new friendship with a new way of thinking and a new heart then I am more than surprised when the friend I came to value slowly begins to cut me off.
I worked hard for this life so I guess I should focus on that. Who cares about winning over humans when they are so easily swayed and can so easily get lost. We are swayed by drugs. We are swayed by sex. We are swayed by anything and everything out their that claims to be able to get us off.
Hard work doesn’t mean much these days except for those who are in tune with who they really are. Why work for a man who doesn’t care if your bills are paid when you can focus your energy into something more rewarding, anything else.
We have come so far from who we were supposed to be that I am unsure how to help anybody else. I no longer believe the lies that have been consistently spoken about me as I put my nose done and focus on my own personal wealth.
Don’t get it confused it aint’ tangible. I am talking about all these things in this moment that nobody can ever take away. I got woken up every morning by my canary who sings to me. Greeting the sun as she begins to warm up the world. There is no greater peace and joy then what I receive in this moment as I welcome them to another day in the safety of our home.
So in a world that rarely acknowledges I celebrate the life within. The life within these four walls that lets me know that eventually life does win.
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My pets have helped me so much when I’ve been depressed. Glad your canary brings you peace. Sending good vibes your way
He is such a joy as are all my pet babies. Sending you all the bestest vibes back.
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