You Can’t Fit In

I think one of the biggest problems in the world is we are conditioned to not believe our children, especially when they are old enough to go to school. We are made to believe that any problems that they maybe encountering is a lie, meanwhile we are being forced to believe a stranger in my eyes.

At what point do we listen to the cries of our child? To what extent do we let it fester and evolve into a bigger type of beast? Ever since he started school I recognized there was a problem. Why is my son the only boy of a class of around 16?

I should have pulled him immediately. Why did I believe these people who have the furthest thing from his best interests at heart. I can’t imagine the pain and isolation he must feel in his heart. It is already started to spill into his everyday life.

Ever have to listen to a five year old tell you they hate themselves because that is what his classmates want him to believe. I watched him be cast aside by everybody. With not even an invite or a friend to call his own.

My heart is being ripped right open and I know his has already started to do the same. The fact that he has started to have nightmares tells me that nothing will ever be the same again. I am fearful. So fearful if this continues on. I can’t imagine what will happen to his self worth and inner psyche if something isn’t done to try and change the narrative.

The idea that he must be autistic and that is why he is incapable of making friends just drives me. I have never had to witness more disgusting words being uttered. Imagine, just imagine being told that you can’t have friends in this world because of your mental condition. Oh wait a second. I am very familiar with how this will work.

When you are always forced to stand on the outside you don’t know when it is safe to finally come in. You will hold all that ill will and intention inside of you before it finally starts to take control of your brain. How dare another being determine the self worth of my child or make him run away or cry. I will never apologize for my bright and beautiful son. I will love him endlessly until the day that I die.

Imagine a world where nobody hears you but they lower the boom once anything else is said. I lie needs to be nipped in the bud as soon as it is told instead of letting it manifest and continue on. There are some lies that are easy and then there are those that make no damn sense. Why tell a lie about somebody and their aversion? That to me is all I needed to know.

My son is now fearful of those that we tell him that he is allowed to trust. Nobody believes when he is getting teased and bullied because after all he is just a boy. My boy has become collateral damage in this class of 16 little girls. I should of pulled him the minute I learned of what was happening instead of letting him get tormented and meet his own demise.

I want to wrap him in my arms forever and tell him everything is going to be ok. I am fearful for the direction his life has already started going that I am overwhelmed and unsure of even what to do. The problem with authority is they all protect each other leaving us normal folk in their dust.

I am still having trouble wrapping my head around this. My son says that something happened and that means nothing did but if a little girl makes a lie and tells the teacher then it is off with my sons head. I couldn’t imagine that feeling of not being heard or listened to when all you were trying to do was fit in. They have long been pushing him to the outskirts, when will my son have a chance to hear his heart sing?

I don’t know how to explain all this frustration or to stop myself from wanting to cut the rest of the world off. I am tired of playing these games with nobody taking these issues seriously and I am so scared and fearful for what lays in wait for my son next.

Did you know the youngest age for somebody to kill themselves is 6? ( my son is 5. I don’t think I could EVER survive if something happened like this. Sure she had a fight with her mother and when you compare her to my son they are not the same but my son already tells me he hates himself and questions why everybody else around him hates him the same.

That’s what he learned in school. He learned to hate himself and that he will never be good enough to fit in. He learned that all of his classmates were getting together and having parties but they would never include him because he didn’t fit in.

He was always the ONLY boy in class and now I see how wrong I was for making him go. I hate myself for not recognizing that this was going to blow up into a huge problem. I mean we almost did make it to the end of the school year. Almost. Now what?

I keep encouraging him to talk to us because we will always have his back. If the girls are hitting him with sticks and being mean then this is a monstrous beast we can’t win. Little boys should be stronger and they should never hit back. They should have thick skin to endure the torment of these little girls because after all they are strong little boys.

When is it ok for a boy to show some sort of compassion in his heart? Is it possible that in a class full of all little girls that he has a target on his back that is impossible to put out.


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