One day this all won’t matter so it is best to keep trying to make your mark. One day none of this will even matter. We will close our eyes one day and be kept forever in the dark.
Today is the day. I hope that I have the courage to do all the things that I have been too scared to do. Find a job. Apply for low-income housing and hope and pray that this nightmare will soon be going away. I get scared thinking that all the pets that have come to call this place their home might end up meeting their own demise. I can’t be the one holding a noose over their heads. Well, a needle jabbed into their arm but how much longer can I survive having to live this way? I don’t think I can survive knowing that they met their end because of me.
This man hates me and I need to get away. I was hoping life would be a little different for me but it is hard not to feel betrayed. It is hard for me to feel safe around anybody after all the damage this man has done. He thinks it is funny to try and break me and drive me into a simmering rage. What women wants to hear over and over again how fat and lazy they are for their failing health and the fact they can not breathe. He thinks that what has plagued me for 3 decades should go away instantly and it doesn’t happen just like that.
I never claimed to be easy, in fact I am sure I never made an accusation as such. I am sure I opened with I come with a lot of baggage the kind and likes the most of the world would never understand. Being open and upfront with my mental illness I thought I was investing in somebody more kind. What I ended up with in the end is somebody who was content on pushing me over the edge and who is always hoping that I am one step away from losing my mind.
Yes we need to look out for number one but not at the expense of another. Never at the expense of another. You would never speak down against somebody when you can see that what they are speaking of is the truth. Their raw innocence becomes to much for some souls to bare so they resort to violence in the most archaic of ways. To have no reason to hate on one another other than plain old jealousy has been a story as old as time. We all learned about Shakespearean plays that spoke volumes to these facts that would confirm that most humans would kill form fame, fortune and matters of the heart.
In a world that is so quick to be judgmental I just want to close my eyes and open them when we all start behaving nice. Respecting each other for the entities that we are instead of belittling to get attention so that we can get our say. Wouldn’t that be nice? It would never happen of course because we have all been engrained to compete. Nobody wants to stay at the bottom anymore if they can trample onto those bodies that have already hit the floor.
Once a file is reported it stays there for life. The only time somebody can be called to testify is if they are deep inside a grave. What if something else is coming up that they are about to go down for and I can be called to attest to their character by any event. I need to know who this employee was, what connections they have and where did they send my information? “Don’t worry ma’am.” I am worried ma’am because the rise in violence is going through the roof. If all you need me to do today is go to some website then at the very least can you remember my name. My name is Amy Berukoff and I called you today. I have a family, The Donaldson’s and I just need you to know our names. If something happens to us and you just let us slip on bye. I need you to know you were our first point of contact and now it is our time to go.
This is my worst nightmare but where does one even begin to try to pack up a life to leave. His yells just echo inside my head. They are making me crazy. Making feel nothing but dread.
“Blow your brains out. Eat all the pills.” Your life is worthless to all those around you. Do us all a favour and say goodbye. These words have always been a part of my life in some shape or form. I am tired of those around me trying to impose their wishes that involves me paying the ultimate price. I remember trying to kill myself at 13 when I found out my boyfriend at the time was sleeping with his cousin.
There is so much more to the world problems and it is a constant display of their perverse entitlement when the words of enlightenment are always followed by, “as instructed by the Queen’s bench.” With the allegations of the Monarch and their blatant disregard for any being with even an ounce of melanin one can easily believe that it was she that ordered the execution of all the Indigenous here on KKKanada’s soil. You throw away your grandchild because of “mixed blood” so I will never believe that you value the life of anything that is not connected to your blood line.