Last night as my son slept I traced every curve of his body. He looked so peaceful as I put my head on his chest to hear his heart beating. Nobody ever notices me so I guess it wouldn’t matter if I was gone now would it. At least he wouldn’t have an addict, dead beat mom. I am so over being hated. The more I think the more I think that it all makes sense.
The users of the world should have their time but for now we are just waiting for the tides to turn. Ethics seem to be more of a passing fancy. Not too many are willing to engage. What is good for one may not be good for another yet we are all intertwined in this most incestuous way. Did you hear what so and so did with so and so? No. I have no l idea what it is you are trying to say. Or who it is you are talking about. Life isn’t like that now. We know everybody’s business. Our access to social media ensures us of that. Yap, Yap but don’t clap back because if you have a difference of an opinion there will be an army of fools ready to lynch you and hang you out to dry. There is nothing more powerful than trolls in big numbers. Trolls get their power from being heard and unseen.
Our lives are intertwined and then we become nothing for no reason? No something is at work much deeper here and it sucks all the more because I can feel it. Every fiber of my being begins to stand on edge and take notice. Are we as a race that heartless? is the almighty dollar really that more important? Than human life and love and freedom and laughter. We snuff it all without caring. We do it all without thinking. We don’t care who that somebody is that we are squashing underneath our feet. As long as it is not somebody we care about right? but what about if it were me?
I love to be inspired and nothing leaves me more inspired than being exposed to another’s journey. We weren’t made to live alone. That was an urban legend they needed you to believe. They needed you to believe that in order to be successful you needed to live in the steepest tower and in isolation buying and cosumming more take out then necessary and living in the shadows of your former self.
We are all out here struggling but we have been conditioned to believe that we should be ashamed. It wasn’t nature that made us this way but the expectations that were handed down onto us forever scarring us from the inside out. I was just a little girl until adulthood struck me forcing me to make decisions that I couldn’t even understand. There are so many of us forming nodes that make it impossible to know our real intentions until later in life. It is impossible to heal from trauma in a world that would rather medicate than acknowledge.
You don’t know the strength it takes for some of us to reach out especially if we have been bitten one too many times. I don’t bite, (ok maybe just a little) I am more concerned with the feelings being harboured and if I can help you release some of the weight. Your life is not the burden, what others made you believe is. Believe in yourself again and you will see the simplistic beauty in the world.
And if it is really a try if I am consistent and passionate and maybe just maybe I can share this passion with the rest of the world. It feeds my drive for being more sustainable and why is more sustainable than finding my own income? I am passionate about looking my best and helping every other human on this planet feel the same way. If there is a reward in sharing that passion don’t we all deserve to do so? I mean we all hate the pushy sales people but I am almost certain I can hit all my goals with my purchases alone so why wouldn’t I do it? This opportunity does make me feel a little like a fish out of the water being all super glam and all but maybe this is what this company needs an injection of full on glamour to feed the 1950’s housewife in me and begin to live free.
When this choice presented itself to me it was a no brainer, but has now left me dazed and confused as the idea of reopening that cesspool of worms that had me logging off of Facebook in the first place. To be real it actually triggers me greatly signing myself up again to be subject to all that negativity and bullying abuse.
When you are confident in your existence and where you are heading you don’t deplete your energy willy nilly you do so with full intention you do it slow and steady. We all want to build an empire but we don’t want to put in the work. For most nothing comes easy except life, death and taxes that is who most of us allowed our summary to read. I dare to outstretch my mind and dreams as far as they can span and I will do so accordingly. It isn’t a race and no one will win so use your time wisely and say no when you can.
There was never a guarantee that after 30 days my anxiety and depression would instantly lift. In fact I find myself struggling more than ever. It feels like I am in the eye of the storm struggling to grab a hold of something before reality breaks off and I am lost into oblibion. Never to be seen again.