Our careless self-righteous entitlement is what has left the Earth’s energy depleted and negative. Think about it. How do you feel about you? Before all that negativity begins to seep into your brain. If you value, you and your existence just a little bit doesn’t that mean that the person next to you should be and is entitled to feel the same? That is what is missing, that deeper connection with self and then in turn each other. We might not be able to stop the world from turning but we can become each other’s little piece of Heaven here on Earth.
I never wanted to damage my son but what I am allowing for his father to do to us and him is more than I have ever wished or even wanted to have to wade through. I am not a dumb c*nt who is deserving to die. I don’t want to do the world a favour and let life slip me by. To hear these words that are said in front of my son makes me want to leave forever, always staying on the run.
I still believe in true love. I think that is why I can’t behave in such a way. Why just throw down with just anybody when I can find the one who fills my heart with joy and makes me believe in the brightness of each day. Inside each woman is the promise of a new beginning so why just pollute the potential for greatness while filling up each and every hole. Seal it up with whatever can be found and don’t treat it like the gift that was given when you can pound it into the ground.
We are notorious for judging a book by it’s cover and only seeing what it is that we truly want to see. We can excuse away any kind of piss poor behaviour by citing all sorts of depravity that the world so desperately wants to believe. We can’t believe in anybody or anything anymore as fairytales turn to darkness preventing anybody else from ever being able to see.
Never again and not anymore well I ever let a being close to me that has less than honourable intentions. Either for me in this world or the beings that I call my friend. There is no way I will give up when I can keep on trying relentlessly to the end.
I know one day this will be all over as time as we know it is slowly ticking away. It feels like just yesterday I was a 20 year old with so much hope and promise only to be kicked out by my knees when I hit 30 only to catch my breath when 40 rolled around to wake up to where I am now. Those people who always wish for more time to get up and do something never fully realized that the time to get up is now.
Today is the day. I hope that I have the courage to do all the things that I have been too scared to do. Find a job. Apply for low-income housing and hope and pray that this nightmare will soon be going away. I get scared thinking that all the pets that have come to call this place their home might end up meeting their own demise. I can’t be the one holding a noose over their heads. Well, a needle jabbed into their arm but how much longer can I survive having to live this way? I don’t think I can survive knowing that they met their end because of me.
There are those beings in life that are out truly just to enjoy the very presence of your existence then there are others that will suck your soul right out if given the chance. Sometimes who we desire to be is out of our grasp and our very own reality as we fail to open up our hearts and truly see.
That is what drives me to do everything that I do. So I can be an example to him who he needs to be. Not grow up in my EXACT image but have the confidence to know that you can be anybody that you can. Sure I might have been a little bit of a beautiful disaster but I dusted myself off quite well don’t you think? For no reason why I wake up with a fire in my soul. I think my drive was given to me as a blessing when I was lost and feeling out of sorts and most definitely out of control.
I didn’t want to let go of something that was so horrendous to me. If it could happen to anybody it was more than likely going to happen to me. I grew up accustomed to the drama and all the sinking feelings that a life lived in this reality could bring and once I got the hang of it I couldn’t fathom the idea that anybody that I loved would ever have to experience a similar thing. That’s where fables and fairytales originate from, they serve as a reminder and beacon to where your heart first began beating and learned how to sing.