I wait in limbo because if I go anywhere but there my hope in the future will surely die. I can’t focus on the possibility of what could have been and maybes because I can’t let too much time slip on by. What I do though is marinade in her thoughts and memories and anything else that I was feeling during that time. If only I can remember those days then it is like you are still here with me. No matter how hard I try I am still broken and it is incredibly impossible for the rest of the world to ever understand or even try to believe.
A Traumatic Search to find My Authentic Self
I think that is why so many people think I am crazy or why I can so easy bring a tear to my eye. I know what it feels like to live broken and have those closest to you hate you so much you wish you could die. Instead of having a family that was supposed to love me I was treated like garbage and thrown away. I am sorry I was forced to endure this pain it is something that lives inside of me still to this day.
Do you have high standards? Maybe I should start with standards. Do you have any standards or do you just let anybody get in close to you? Imagine the damage that can be done if your secrets were told to the wrong people. Would they be there for you or would they turn their back and run?
Highly Charged and Overly Emotional
I feel for those who did nothing more than being born then they are forced to live a life that not many would wish their worst enemy ever to endure. When kindness and compassion can be the emotion that reins supreme it never ceases to amaze me how others will chose to be.
The Strength I Need
I couldn’t break the cycle because there was never anybody on the sidelines routing for me. I had to do it all again while being ridiculed. I got to a place where I could do was curse my good name. If you hated me I hated me too and there is not much one can do once you have reclaimed your place in the dirt. If it wasn’t for trying to prove my haters wrong I think I would have given up by now, my son gives me all the strength I need these days so that I can move on.
I Don’t Want To Change
I finally get what people say when they don’t want anybody to change them. I feel like my husband is not able to accept me for who I am because he is incapable of loving me through all my emotional damage. Instead of telling me it will be ok and giving me a hug when I am manic he insults me and makes fun of me. Basically he just keeps pushing me further away.
What’s Going On?
This leads me to the importance of keeping your circle close and to have some sort of standards and a core value in place. If somebody in your life is constantly disrespecting you, there must be some sort of attached value or finite price. Why allow somebody who doesn’t have an interest in your heart have a say on what is going on
I am stunned by everything that is happening around me. I used to believe in a life so perfect until I became a teen and life has I had come to know it began to rip apart at the seems. Our reality is that nothing is ever as it appears and we can be left scrambling to realize our own dreams.
Imagine An Existence
Imagine having to hear over and over again how pathetic you are and how you failed in all the ways. Imagine an existence where you are told your value is virtually worthless as they look down their nose at you and turn away. Imagine an existence where you are made to believe that you are a free loading nut whose value is tarnished, nobody else could ever want you so it is best if you just stay put.
The epitome of all Earth shattering violence. A bullet shot at the head goes straight through everything else instead. Game over. Lights out. There is nothing more that can be done. Did so and so really hate you that much that this is the only way that the game could have been won?
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