Memories can be oh so bittersweet until they become oh so haunting. Flashes of once were or what could have been. The fork in the road as you veer in the wrong direction. Maybe it was self preservation. Maybe it just wasn’t the time. Maybe because if your paths had crossed back then you would be nothing now.
There is no doubt these clearly defined stages that we must all go through. The older we get the more we either open or close ourselves off to the possibility. It is easy to become drones as we work our butts off to just exist.
Like that if this was the World’s destiny then why wait for the inevitable. I let the tears flow as my son wiped the tears away. My anxiety got the best of me. I felt lost, hopeless, unidentifiable with the life unfolding in front of me.
That is something that isn’t really talked about to much. We are taught that dreams aren’t meant to be having. That if we stick to the course that was set out for us that we will achieve succcess. Who determines how success is defined for you. We have dissected everything down to its most literal sense and try to suppress any individuality.
I am slowly working towards the person I want to be. I have taken the first steps in identifying when somebody is in pain. Not physical pain. The pain that nobody wants to talk about until it’s too late. Everything I have been working towards is to help those that need it most. I will hug a stranger (with permission of course), I will brush away their tears if need be. My self realization has brought me to a place where I am ready, willing and able to help all those I meet. It is time when we begin to live a life all together instead of divided apart. Your sex, race, nationality means nothing to me. You are human and that is all the realization I need to know.
But now here we are recognizing a man based on his athletic abilities and not who he is as a man. He is not a great leader. He isn’t even a man. You can’t even compare him to the animals he killed because these animals had more compassion in the skulls he crushed into the ground then in his little finger. But wait did you know he is even allowed to own a dog again. We even let this piece of garbarge pro-create. We are only human and we are not superior in any way. We keep preaching how we evolved but if evolving means having no compassion or common sense please throw me out to the wolves.
The feeling of never amounting to anything now became her centre. If her parents were embarassed of who she was then she should be too. Destined to never hold her chin up she was determined to not let them see what they did to her. It was the only satisfaction she got. Be hard enough so they don’t know how badly cracked you truly are. Believe and trust nobody, including herself.
Is selfishness and self preservasion the same thing? Well that is the confusing part. You never want to be put ahead of another living being. What entitles you to being better than something that was created to be loved and to be equal. Can’t we all just be born to be.
In about an hour I am going in for day surgery. Surgery to remove the back three molars that have been causing me pain for as long as I can remember. I spent nights awake with my face comforted with ice. I would take any anti-inflammatories, pain killers, even antibiotics to try and numb the…