Centre of My World

So where I thought that I was the one who needed saving I finally can admit that I am strong enough to begin saving the rest of the world. My smile maybe a little less than sunny perfection but it comes with one of the biggest hearts and intentions that you have ever felt or seen. I used to think it was bad to be your own best friend singing your praises but how else do you light up the night for the rest of the world to find? Ya sure to some I may mean nothing but I know to one that is living I am absolutely the center of his world and he is mine too.

Don’t Forget to Love Your Life

Sure we all like to have a purpose and mine is being the best mom. I don`t know what I am doing however, but I will never give up on trying. I am not the best by any means but I determined to keep on going. Where those who don`t understand there will always be a being who eventually will. The focus needs to be on the love that you harbour and not what you hope to achieve. Spinning on all wheels we will try our best to be heard. Why does it matter who hears your cries when you can be the love in your heart that you and your family has always needed. Until you watch the heart of a four year old break right before you you will never understand what this all means. I have to be his pillar of strength and try to be the family of his dreams.

I Am Powerless

I have been presented with an opportunity to still be the best that I can be but it will have to be done during the hours that my baby is asleep. Sure you may read this and say she is damaging her son. To me I believe that we have damaged all of our sons already. This world that we are raising our children in should be sounding all the alarm bells in our heads. There are those those only care for the life that is theirs and couldn’t be bothered with any other entity they find themselves by. I for one believe I need to relinquish all control. The Universe is listening and revealing to me people’s true colors to keep the evil away. Not everybody is the same and that is what makes this time absolutely beautiful but for this moment that is all around me all I can focus on is my boy.

He Hit My Son

Moments like these cement our place in the world. They remind us what it means to be human and that there is nothing out there like a Mother’s love. I needed the reminder how much he needs me but I wish it never had to happen like this. You never know how far your heart can sink until another being is the reason why your heart cries. Watching him while he sleeps he is my angel here on Earth. I need to protect him and love him for as long as I can and always remind him of  how much he is worth.

Losing My Mind

To each there own. There must be a better way? All I want is a life that doesn’t hurt in every which way. Getting yelled at from everybody I just want to vanish into thin air. This is not the life that I dreamed about when I was a kid but I do know what it feels like when a parent stops loving you. I have never stopped loving my son I am just desperate for him to have a better life. He deserves so much love. So much happiness. When I am surrounded by so much negativity all I am trying to do is survive.

A Life Like Mine

I have to be fierce and teach him it is ok to stand out. That it is ok to not be accepted by everybody because only you know what lays inside and how it feels when you are being left out. Excluded from being normal you accept the fact because you know you were born special. Born with the fists of furry beneath you never tiring just constantly feeling things out. The over active mind is a real special thing as it will always challenge your existence to live for a better day.

The Meaning of Life

We can try our best and in doing so we will increase our own net worth. It seems strange to compare your life in such a way but you are your own greatest asset.  I wish I had more answers but the truth is I have no clue. I want to. I read about the greatest lives that lived before me in the hopes that I may get an inkling or clue to my own existence. We can’t live in fear of what is to come because in doing so we could in essence make ourselves sick. At least unhappy as we always wait for that boom. That boom that tells us it is all over and that our human bodies will never move from room to room.  There are moments in my head that will just never leave. Those that are soon to be parted will always carry a spot in my head and brain. To hold those close to give them comfort on the way out is all I want to do. I want them to know as they hear my heart that I am scared for them and in turn I am a little bit scared for me. Where do you go and will we ever see each other again? It doesn’t seem fair to be so close then nothing. That will be the longest day when that day finally comes. I guess that is why we never know, so we can start each day to live again.

Celestial Light

I am drawn to celestial places of light and healing because I am determined to find out what it all means. The crystal I picked out was a beautiful turquoise blue (my son’s favourite color), I couldn’t wait to get home and show him. When he saw the crystal his eye’s lighted up and as he held the crystal in his hand he said, “Say that this is for me.” How can you say no when he is holding it up to the light. Exclaiming about all the colors and being filled with divine light. Excitedly he told me look at all the colors!! You can even see the ocean. That is how I knew I just brought home his power crystal. What I wanted for me became the greatest gift for my little and indirectly for me too. We bonded over divine energy and light in it’s most exquisite form.

Blinded By Life

A fool and his money are soon parted but what happens to the fool when it comes to his mind? Nothing permeates our inner being faster than trying to fit in, up to and including lying to the world about who it is we are to become. I know my mind and I know my truth and my reality is that I was born to never fit in with the rest of the world. Sure it is isolating. Like a one man island but I would rather live here than where I was living before. Most friends and family only come around when they need something so I cut them off. My mind is to fragile to constantly be playing games with those that will never keep my sanity in mind.

In A Leopard Print Cat Suit

Anti depressants threatened to take me down the deepest, darkest rabbit hole I have ever known. Happiness became a struggle for me and I had no idea who I was or worse who I was becoming. The reason for that is I was getting driven away from my authenticity as I began to dodge daggers from left and right. I listened as friends bashed each other like cowards while backs were turned then singing their praises like canaries like they weren’t the serpent behind them waiting to get their feed. Meh. I see bad people and they are all dressed in monotone hoping to hide their mistakes from the rest of the world. I see you and I raise you a leopard print cat suit I am not ashamed of my game that I bring to the world.