People will ALWAYS do what is best for them and disregard the middle man. Who cares about the natural nature of relationships when we can sever all ties because there is plenty. I think about the shark who waits patiently for all the little minnows to feed on each other so they they will become big. Why feast on a million little ones who are swimming when you can take your time and wait for one that is more filling? For those of you content on spreading voracious rumours now that with me they will always come to a head. I can admit my failures and faults in this world now I am going to turn to you and ask you if you can do the same.
Once I came here I never gave that life a second thought. Well there would be a time or two when the curiosity would creep back in. How else would I find myself in the position I know found myself in. Just a mild case of sorrow when it comes to memories being flooded in from the past but what is important to note here is I am validated for my feelings of needed to run away from him.
Today was the final step necessary for the healing to finally begin. To reclaim what was once taken from me officially by shedding the old skin that was time to be shed. Holding onto hold memories hit me like a brick every time I saw my own reflection in the mirror. Haunting me was why…
Sure it’s been a roller coaster ride but I am much more closer today to speaking my own truth. I know what it is I want to accomplish, somewhat, and I set up some means to begin to obtain it. I am still in love with self care and that we should all be committed to feeling our best. In fact I have been trying to start up a YouTube around my life where I share with y’all the ups and the downs. Check it out (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT44prvb_o835cQOG327hbQ). Make sure to subscribe if you make it that far and tell me all the Sweet Ruby things you want to see!!! Putting yourself out there is hard so I keep trying to reinvent myself. If the shoe fits wear it! And if it don’t find a stiletto you can rock out on! Stand tall with your head high and tell others to get out of your way!! BEEP BEEP!!
I guess I shouldn’t focus too much on all the names that he calls me but it is getting very hard not to. I know I am worth more than his constant bursts of anger and all the venomous filth he likes to throw onto me. I know I am weird by most standards and I know for sure I am not everybody’s cup of tea but aren’t we all worthy of a little human compassion? Even the weird ones like me?
I realize that this is what makes me human and I am not sure how much more I can take but I will. I will keep on trying to make a difference in my life and into the next. I wonder how this all started and if I will return to a place that will one day all make sense. I want it to and even if it doesn’t I will still rise again until the one day that I physically can’t. I hope that you will too. Even in our most depressed state we are worthy and yes that means I am talking about you.
I keep to myself for the most part because what other beings are capable of has broken my heart and left me feeling depraived. When forced to witness what others will do just to get ahead makes me thankful in this moment that I am told to eat sh*t instead. Yes it hurts to constantly get belittled inside these 4 walls and house but at least I know where the attacks are coming from and I could never say the same about anybody else.
Moments like these cement our place in the world. They remind us what it means to be human and that there is nothing out there like a Mother’s love. I needed the reminder how much he needs me but I wish it never had to happen like this. You never know how far your heart can sink until another being is the reason why your heart cries. Watching him while he sleeps he is my angel here on Earth. I need to protect him and love him for as long as I can and always remind him of how much he is worth.
This is my worst nightmare but where does one even begin to try to pack up a life to leave. His yells just echo inside my head. They are making me crazy. Making feel nothing but dread.
It’s not like I used my face as a canvas to help prove what I am talking about but c’est la vie and excuse me if I do take it a tad personal as I am trying to lead by example and obtain a better life. I am worth it and I know you are too I just chose not to be added to the ranks of the MLM scam by sliding into your DM’s. I do value my time as do yours so maybe you want to dig deeper into what I do and what I am truly passionate about xx