Sure it’s been a roller coaster ride but I am much more closer today to speaking my own truth. I know what it is I want to accomplish, somewhat, and I set up some means to begin to obtain it. I am still in love with self care and that we should all be committed to feeling our best. In fact I have been trying to start up a YouTube around my life where I share with y’all the ups and the downs. Check it out (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT44prvb_o835cQOG327hbQ). Make sure to subscribe if you make it that far and tell me all the Sweet Ruby things you want to see!!! Putting yourself out there is hard so I keep trying to reinvent myself. If the shoe fits wear it! And if it don’t find a stiletto you can rock out on! Stand tall with your head high and tell others to get out of your way!! BEEP BEEP!!
I guess I shouldn’t focus too much on all the names that he calls me but it is getting very hard not to. I know I am worth more than his constant bursts of anger and all the venomous filth he likes to throw onto me. I know I am weird by most standards and I know for sure I am not everybody’s cup of tea but aren’t we all worthy of a little human compassion? Even the weird ones like me?
I realize that this is what makes me human and I am not sure how much more I can take but I will. I will keep on trying to make a difference in my life and into the next. I wonder how this all started and if I will return to a place that will one day all make sense. I want it to and even if it doesn’t I will still rise again until the one day that I physically can’t. I hope that you will too. Even in our most depressed state we are worthy and yes that means I am talking about you.
I keep to myself for the most part because what other beings are capable of has broken my heart and left me feeling depraived. When forced to witness what others will do just to get ahead makes me thankful in this moment that I am told to eat sh*t instead. Yes it hurts to constantly get belittled inside these 4 walls and house but at least I know where the attacks are coming from and I could never say the same about anybody else.
Moments like these cement our place in the world. They remind us what it means to be human and that there is nothing out there like a Mother’s love. I needed the reminder how much he needs me but I wish it never had to happen like this. You never know how far your heart can sink until another being is the reason why your heart cries. Watching him while he sleeps he is my angel here on Earth. I need to protect him and love him for as long as I can and always remind him of how much he is worth.
This is my worst nightmare but where does one even begin to try to pack up a life to leave. His yells just echo inside my head. They are making me crazy. Making feel nothing but dread.
It’s not like I used my face as a canvas to help prove what I am talking about but c’est la vie and excuse me if I do take it a tad personal as I am trying to lead by example and obtain a better life. I am worth it and I know you are too I just chose not to be added to the ranks of the MLM scam by sliding into your DM’s. I do value my time as do yours so maybe you want to dig deeper into what I do and what I am truly passionate about xx
We all are aware that our bodies are made out of approximately 70% water that is why we are encouraged to drink so much of it. The added benefits of being able to submerge yourself underwater is HUGE and it has been practiced for centuries. I grew up knowing the benefits of a dip in a natural hot springs almost as quick as I knew that jumping into a creek or even the ocean on a hot summer’s day was a refreshing way to cool off.
My anxiety is crippling. I feel sick every time I move. I get sick often throughout the day. Mostly when he is berating me and trying to do everything to set me off. Does a partner purposely do everything in their power to watch a loved one fail? Today has felt like a doozy, at times I can barely breathe.
My husband always tells me I can’t change the world. That may be true but I refuse to remain complacent in it. It is so easy to just take a deep breath and walk away. I could. I am not directly connected to all this. My mom and dad were always safe in their childhood and I believe they had no knowledge of what was happening in residential schools. When a whole country is left oblivious to the level of genocide that the powers of be committed it is up to us to pick up the moral pieces and find a way to heal.