I hated myself so much and I was barely a girl. Nothing nice was said about me as I was left alone in the world. With nobody to talk to I spent most of my days alone. It took everything I could just to want to stay alive here when it could have been easier to leave and make that final journey home.
There is that fear that those that don’t know me will exclaim that they were right. That I was never going to make a good mother, friend or even companion how hilarious the last few years have been watching you try to be a good wife.
Through Another’s Eyes
I don’t want to be hear anymore. I don’t want to be that girl that I had to become in order to live through all the pain. I don’t want to live a life where I am constantly taunted, teased and ridiculed like I was forced to endure over all these years. Why would I have to stay where I am clearly not wanted. Wouldn’t it be much easier if I just disappeared and went about my day? I wish.
Nobody to Talk Too
To live vicariously with little or no fear of what is being said or even what is happening around you wouldn’t that be the most ideal way to live? You wouldn’t have to worry if anybody was around or if anybody cared to listen to you, you could go on with a full heart and live to have the grandest day.
I think that is what makes me believe that this life we are living maybe a ruse and that we are spiraling into our own demise. Don’t you feel a little bit suppressed and beat down sometimes? Like no matter how hard you try to run away from it all that you may just become all of their lives. That the sparkle that is you, is enough to light up the night sky. I hope we all get a chance to realize that moment before we take our last breath and die.
What do I know anyways I don’t think I will ever get there anyways. I try to engage in the habits of highly effective people but I think that I maybe defective or something. That no matter how hard I try I always end up messing up. I can’t tell you how many times I have bumped my head or scratched myself and all the bruises that cover me from head to toe. I feel so unlucky that I do just want to give up but then there is that piece inside of me that reminds myself of all those who gave their lives before me in order for me to rise up.
A Directional Zig Zag
So I maybe a little bit sensitive. Aren’t we all? I think for me it is because there are a million things I want to know about before the day comes that I die. I am fully aware that I have no idea of what is to come of me or the animals that I gave a loving place to call home. The idea that life gets reduced to absolutely nothing is something that I can’t stomach. Who can? Only the demonic maybe and that is why some of us walk a very fine line.
Leaving Sweet Ruby
Today was the final step necessary for the healing to finally begin. To reclaim what was once taken from me officially by shedding the old skin that was time to be shed. Holding onto hold memories hit me like a brick every time I saw my own reflection in the mirror. Haunting me was why…
The Meaning of Life
We can try our best and in doing so we will increase our own net worth. It seems strange to compare your life in such a way but you are your own greatest asset. I wish I had more answers but the truth is I have no clue. I want to. I read about the greatest lives that lived before me in the hopes that I may get an inkling or clue to my own existence. We can’t live in fear of what is to come because in doing so we could in essence make ourselves sick. At least unhappy as we always wait for that boom. That boom that tells us it is all over and that our human bodies will never move from room to room. There are moments in my head that will just never leave. Those that are soon to be parted will always carry a spot in my head and brain. To hold those close to give them comfort on the way out is all I want to do. I want them to know as they hear my heart that I am scared for them and in turn I am a little bit scared for me. Where do you go and will we ever see each other again? It doesn’t seem fair to be so close then nothing. That will be the longest day when that day finally comes. I guess that is why we never know, so we can start each day to live again.
42 Things I Have Learned (26-11)
26. Life doesn’t get any easier you just find better ways to manage. I like to think of our lives similar to that of our lifelines on a monitor in the hospital. There are ups and downs, there has to be, because once that line begins to lie flat there is no more living to…
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