I Don’t Want To Change

I finally get what people say when they don’t want anybody to change them. I feel like my husband is not able to accept me for who I am because he is incapable of loving me through all my emotional damage. Instead of telling me it will be ok and giving me a hug when I am manic he insults me and makes fun of me. Basically he just keeps pushing me further away.

A Hated Life

Imagine living this existence and I don’t mean just any existence I mean I have lived this life before. Somewhere between being a young girl and coming of age my eyes were wide open to what a relationship could possibly mean and I was scared of knowing more.

A Grandmother’s Legacy

I cry because I hurt. I hurt because you died and I don’t know if I will ever feel the same way again. I am guarded against those that have always made fun of me and cursed my good name any chance that they could and did. Even though I have been pushed aside by those that used to love me I still hold onto my memories to get me through these trying times.

Through Another’s Eyes

I don’t want to be hear anymore. I don’t want to be that girl that I had to become in order to live through all the pain. I don’t want to live a life where I am constantly taunted, teased and ridiculed like I was forced to endure over all these years. Why would I have to stay where I am clearly not wanted. Wouldn’t it be much easier if I just disappeared and went about my day? I wish.

A Troll’s Mind

Imagine getting up in the morning and deciding to troll. Your goal and only initiative is to get under another person’s skin so that they lose all control. You don’t care what is going on in their home or if mentally they are ok. They could be holding on by a thread for all you know and your words could be the last ones they hear before they take their last breath.

Things I Wish My Husband Knew

I don’t feel like I have a friend but somebody who is conspiring against me so he can get ahead. Devoid of any type of affection I wonder just how much more I can take. I don’t think it is normal for anybody to have to live this way. His honour lies with anybody other than me. I wish he could recognize the damage that he was doing that he can see just how much he was hurting me.

The Courage It Takes

There is something to be said for an existence that is irritating. Not to myself but to others that have found themselves near me. I think it is hard to hear about how so many people don’t have an acquired taste for me so I shut myself off from the world before it is my time to leave.

A Life Pre-Lived

My social media was becoming the same way. I like to have a purpose for people to come and find me but it didn’t matter anyways because most people didn’t come and stay. Does that make sense? Kind of. It’s like I think it’s just a numbers game for most people. They think once they have you sticking around that you will always stick around so they don’t have to buy into what you are saying or giving you their support.

A Life to Compliment

That’s the fear isn’t it? Not realizing our truest potential before we run out of time. I think that is what keeps moving along even though nobody lifts their head up to notice me. I am too scared of becoming obsolete that only other monsters can see.

Only Fans…

So¬† normally this idea wouldn’t even be entertained in my head as an option but with so many already doing it could it truly be that bad? For me I guess I bend my mind to where it is that I think the world is going and if there is a benefit for us to continue behaving in such a way…what could be the harm am I right?