There are no pastures on earth that would ever make my soul finally feel at ease. I have my son stepping into the roll as my savior making me believe that he is just too young to have to bare this weight and maybe there is somewhere else for me to go. My mental illness brings me so much shame
I wake up covered in blood and wipe away my tears. It’s not me I tell myself it’s the disease. Looking around I hope that my reality has changed. If you could wake up anywhere where would you be. All I want is to somehow be back in the 90’s. Nobody understands me here. Fitting…
There are so many reasons why I want to give up. There are so many more why I won’t. When I chose to give myself up freely to the powers that may be I had no idea the directional course it would put me on. I can’t tell you what it feels like. What I know though is somewhere through all the smoke and mirrors I know that there is pain and there is hurt and if I didn’t at least try and make the World a better place… I had to at least try.
So if living is not about the definition but about the experience does that mean that we are all missing the point? To enjoy life and all it’s candor while accepting the ebbs and flows as they come. I imagine infinite sorrow and the feeling of heartbreak. The only true cure is no cure at all. That you can only move forward with the grief in your heart but a new song on your lips.
So there is it. With the misguided illusion that we must know what life is we forget to experience it. We forget that there are lessons and hints written all throughout time. That the real power comes from being humble to the prospect that maybe just maybe you don’t know all. That the digressions of another can be the sanity that you seek
There is no denying the actuality of our life line being incredibly turbulent. No great feet was ever meet with some incredible time, patience and perseverance. What I began to notice the longer that I try to hang on for the ride is that there is always this natural instinct of knowing what is the…
My guilt eats away at me knowing that in my younger years I was the very toxic pollution that I have now come to hate. Maybe that is why it has become important to me to open up my life. My life in all it’s plain and basic splendor actually help me to understand who it is I am supposed to become. It isn’t for a lack of trying or misunderstanding but a veil of doubt and insecurity that haunts me.
Yes we would all love to hold the hand of those that created us. The ones that first looked down upon us before we took our first breath. With the billions of people that are inhabiting the Earth though we have come to learn how to recreate that love. Yes it will always be a tiny bit different. But what I love about the love that is born upon us is the one that we get to create through commitment and determination. That your family that you are creating is worth living for. Only you can work towards ending the toxicity that threatens to poison us all.
It is true somebody’s storey is a little bit worse than your own. You have to remind yourself that there is somebody always a little worse off. Kind of a harsh reality it’s true. Then all of a sudden you are the one worse off but then again are you really? Who knows. I guess what I am saying is what’s the harm? Where’s the risk? Living miserably or dying happy I guess that choice is up to you!
I am a functioning empath. My whole insides can be ripped into shreds but there is always a time and place. I usually like to cry alone because I don’t want to upset anybody else. Maybe because it is in that pain that I know came great love. In the memory of my friend who lost his way I want to reach out to those that are at their lowest. Yes I don’t know you. But I do love you. We get to walk and live this great Earth at the same sliver in time. I don’t want to make your journey harder I want to make it better. I want to inspire you to find the way to live your greatest life possible. That no matter who you are you are worth it even in those moments of greatest despair.