This Man Hates Me

This man hates me and I need to get away. I was hoping life would be a little different for me but it is hard not to feel betrayed. It is hard for me to feel safe around anybody after all the damage this man has done. He thinks it is funny to try and break me and drive me into a simmering rage. What women wants to hear over and over again how fat and lazy they are for their failing health and the fact they can not breathe. He thinks that what has plagued me for 3 decades should go away instantly and it doesn’t happen just like that.

A Broken Mom

I remember once my sister told me to kill myself. To do the world a favour and do myself away. I remember how awful I felt on the inside, knowing that I didn’t have anybody who would care for me in this world. My Dad already deemed me a write off citing all the ways that I have failed to fuel his fire. Imagine being told in every which way that you are a failure, too stupid to even know how to breathe. If I listened to what everybody was saying about me I would hate myself. Maybe in some ways I already do.

Eat Sh*t

I keep to myself for the most part because what other beings are capable of has broken my heart and left me feeling depraived. When forced to witness what others will do just to get ahead makes me thankful in this moment that I am told to eat sh*t instead. Yes it hurts to constantly get belittled inside these 4 walls and house but at least I know where the attacks are coming from and I could never say the same about anybody else.

Broken Too Young

That was my living example of relationships to look up to. A boyfriend who bit me and put cigarettes out on me to a best friend who was robbing me blind and forever selling me out. If somebody more popular wanted to hand I was always just collateral damage. It’s no wonder I gravitate towards a boyfriend who was older in my senior year because I needed to get the h*ll out. I sent him on his way when it was time to finally start school. College was supposed to be my eye opener how was I to know it was the start to even more horror </3

My Last Will and Testament

Once a file is reported it stays there for life. The only time somebody can be called to testify is if they are deep inside a grave. What if something else is coming up that they are about to go down for and I can be called to attest to their character by any event. I need to know who this employee was, what connections they have and where did they send my information? “Don’t worry ma’am.” I am worried ma’am because the rise in violence is going through the roof. If all you need me to do today is go to some website then at the very least can you remember my name. My name is Amy Berukoff and I called you today. I have a family, The Donaldson’s and I just need you to know our names. If something happens to us and you just let us slip on bye. I need you to know you were our first point of contact and now it is our time to go.

Domesticated Violence

We witnessed the horrors of the lies he told her and the fact that we couldn’t stop her from walking into her doom. This is real life and real babies were lost. They cried for their Daddy as they took their last breath. I wonder if they would have held onto each other as they suffocated and died. Their poor mother in the dirt below them at the hands of their father the hero.

To The Limits

I set my day to music and try to allow the day to unfold as naturally as it can without any hiccups or more bruises. First off why do some feel the need to push you to max capacity mentally then throw the lowest blows to try and break you. Most people do this. You…

Less Than Perfect

There is so much more to the world problems and it is a constant display of their perverse entitlement when the words of enlightenment are always followed by, “as instructed by the Queen’s bench.” With the allegations of the Monarch and their blatant disregard for any being with even an ounce of melanin one can easily believe that it was she that ordered the execution of all the Indigenous here on KKKanada’s soil. You throw away your grandchild because of “mixed blood” so I will never believe that you value the life of anything that is not connected to your blood line.

Tragically Ablaze

My husband says I am too gullible and I fall too easily listening to other people’s tales. He tells me I care too much about our Indigenous communities and that I watch too much true crime. What happens to my soul when the two World’s intertwine? To RoyLynn and Marlene I will find a way to start making things right. You are still Warriors out there just for now you are out of site.

The Monster in Me

The person inside of me is not what was bad. It was the energy that was trying to take over to make me be somebody different. Darkness can’t win over light. They never will. Never can. That is why when in great danger they always say come into the light. The promise of a new day also brings with it a new chance. See all this becomes important now as my husband came home. My mom was on the phone still and she was begging me to keep calm like she knew. She knew there was an evil still inside of me and it comes from what happened before. I am not healed from my trauma because I am still deeply ashamed.