I saw you the other day. Well I not that that is an possibility but that same smile that you used to wear, well I saw that smile today. That childlike wonderment and amazement that captivated every room. You had this air of self confidence that projected onto everybody but I recognized that broken smile….
There are so many reasons why I want to give up. There are so many more why I won’t. When I chose to give myself up freely to the powers that may be I had no idea the directional course it would put me on. I can’t tell you what it feels like. What I know though is somewhere through all the smoke and mirrors I know that there is pain and there is hurt and if I didn’t at least try and make the World a better place… I had to at least try.
So there is it. With the misguided illusion that we must know what life is we forget to experience it. We forget that there are lessons and hints written all throughout time. That the real power comes from being humble to the prospect that maybe just maybe you don’t know all. That the digressions of another can be the sanity that you seek
Reflections in time are like song of the future. You are never to sure of their existence. You want to believe in all that there is. All that is possible and all that can be. That is the beauty and mystery of life isn’t it? To go to your natural limitations then try to push through. Don’t you want to exceed on the person you were from yesterday or do you just want to do what some have before you and just let the natural course of life slide through your fingers. There is no time like the present. You will never be younger more youthful then you are in this moment.
I stand on top of the cliff looking down at the water beating furiously on the rocks below. Reaching my hand into my pocket I feel the envelope cold in my hands. I want to take it out again but can’t. The words written on the envelope I sent in a red scrawl taunting me…
I am far from perfect but I have learn to forgive myself. I try to remind myself to be kind as many times as a find a new grey hair (trust me that is a lot). Let’s replace our own toxic thoughts with a harmony that will be remembered throughout time. It doesn’t have to reach the masses of epic proportions. It only needs to reach and touch you.
That is something that isn’t really talked about to much. We are taught that dreams aren’t meant to be having. That if we stick to the course that was set out for us that we will achieve succcess. Who determines how success is defined for you. We have dissected everything down to its most literal sense and try to suppress any individuality.
I am slowly working towards the person I want to be. I have taken the first steps in identifying when somebody is in pain. Not physical pain. The pain that nobody wants to talk about until it’s too late. Everything I have been working towards is to help those that need it most. I will hug a stranger (with permission of course), I will brush away their tears if need be. My self realization has brought me to a place where I am ready, willing and able to help all those I meet. It is time when we begin to live a life all together instead of divided apart. Your sex, race, nationality means nothing to me. You are human and that is all the realization I need to know.
Suicide only truly hurts the living. At least for the one who saw it as their only way out. The suffering that they leave behind is now a noose around someboy’s else’s neck. Maybe it isn’t courageous to take that root. When you consider living in a World that can’t be satisfied no matter how selfless and hard you personally try. I am going to keep searching for a way to heal what I can.
Your life and your love is your greatest asset and possession don’t weaken it by giving it to others than don’t deserve it. Keep it safe and secluded into you find those that understand and instead of tarnishing your shine they will do whatever it takes to preserve its beauty.