I never knew how hard it was to journey this life alone until it came and slapped me right in the face. What children do to their parents when they are nearing the end of their lives can only be amounted to the pain and torment that they had caused. I see so many entitled children running a muck driving their parents into an early grave. Not the young ones under foot I mean the ones that never go away. They fester like an untreated wound just causing irritation and causing others to feel disarray. What other’s feel they are entitled too always comes at another’s expense or worse yet decay. I don’t want to live this life if I have to keep on paying by these rules. Death is coming for all of us one day the when and where some of us may never now however, for a very select few who get to age out in this story we call life should be treated like the treasure that only a life well lived could hold.
The proudest words I have ever heard come out of a grown man’s lips now has also become the saddest. “That tree right there I took from my Daddy’s yard and I planted it right there so he could always be here.” That huge tree staring at us from his kitchen window is probably his most valuable possession because of what it means. So I cry.
My promise I made to myself when trying to fulfill this life was to never turn my back on that passing, their moment in time. If given the opportunity to ease in their travels from this realm to the next, I would consider it a great honour to be the one to hold you in your arms and tell you goodbye. Nobody should have to leave this Earth feeling so unloved and that is what will happened if I keep on this course that I am on. I am going to use this pain to start taking more risks. Life only happens once and it is over in a blink of an eye. One year you are married the next year you die.
“An old man turned 98
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?”
Content on sucking the life out of all living things we fail to recognize what is right in front of our eyes. All life is born to die and because we all exist in this same life wouldn’t that mean that we will also follow each other in death too?
I saw you the other day. Well I not that that is an possibility but that same smile that you used to wear, well I saw that smile today. That childlike wonderment and amazement that captivated every room. You had this air of self confidence that projected onto everybody but I recognized that broken smile….
There are so many reasons why I want to give up. There are so many more why I won’t. When I chose to give myself up freely to the powers that may be I had no idea the directional course it would put me on. I can’t tell you what it feels like. What I know though is somewhere through all the smoke and mirrors I know that there is pain and there is hurt and if I didn’t at least try and make the World a better place… I had to at least try.
So there is it. With the misguided illusion that we must know what life is we forget to experience it. We forget that there are lessons and hints written all throughout time. That the real power comes from being humble to the prospect that maybe just maybe you don’t know all. That the digressions of another can be the sanity that you seek
Reflections in time are like song of the future. You are never to sure of their existence. You want to believe in all that there is. All that is possible and all that can be. That is the beauty and mystery of life isn’t it? To go to your natural limitations then try to push through. Don’t you want to exceed on the person you were from yesterday or do you just want to do what some have before you and just let the natural course of life slide through your fingers. There is no time like the present. You will never be younger more youthful then you are in this moment.
I stand on top of the cliff looking down at the water beating furiously on the rocks below. Reaching my hand into my pocket I feel the envelope cold in my hands. I want to take it out again but can’t. The words written on the envelope I sent in a red scrawl taunting me…