I don’t feel like I have a friend but somebody who is conspiring against me so he can get ahead. Devoid of any type of affection I wonder just how much more I can take. I don’t think it is normal for anybody to have to live this way. His honour lies with anybody other than me. I wish he could recognize the damage that he was doing that he can see just how much he was hurting me.
There is something to be said for an existence that is irritating. Not to myself but to others that have found themselves near me. I think it is hard to hear about how so many people don’t have an acquired taste for me so I shut myself off from the world before it is my time to leave.
My social media was becoming the same way. I like to have a purpose for people to come and find me but it didn’t matter anyways because most people didn’t come and stay. Does that make sense? Kind of. It’s like I think it’s just a numbers game for most people. They think once they have you sticking around that you will always stick around so they don’t have to buy into what you are saying or giving you their support.
Isn’t oxygen one of the key ingredients to our make up so it would stand to reason that you would want to be breathing in the best. Maybe it has been all that noxious air of obscenities that has come and taken up residency inside of my lungs. I just need to keep on having the testicular fortitude to stick up for myself and demand the best of care that is specific to my tastes and therefore needs.
I am only human and it is inevitable that I am going to make mistakes. I am going to make mistakes that I don’t even know I am making and there will be nights when those mistakes will keep me awake. We should all feel accepted in the bodies that we were born to be instead of being hated, made to conform into somebody else.
So normally this idea wouldn’t even be entertained in my head as an option but with so many already doing it could it truly be that bad? For me I guess I bend my mind to where it is that I think the world is going and if there is a benefit for us to continue behaving in such a way…what could be the harm am I right?
I think that is what makes me believe that this life we are living maybe a ruse and that we are spiraling into our own demise. Don’t you feel a little bit suppressed and beat down sometimes? Like no matter how hard you try to run away from it all that you may just become all of their lives. That the sparkle that is you, is enough to light up the night sky. I hope we all get a chance to realize that moment before we take our last breath and die.
Middle of the day thoughts are the worst I find because my thoughts are just scattered. What I thought I would be writing about at 3 am I am no longer and I don’t know if I should feel bothered.
What does death look like? Why I think he is in the faces of all of our family and friends. There is a clock that is always ticking for us and will keep doing so until the day that we get too old. Why is it we are scared when we are all destined to go through the same thing? I think it has to do with the unknown and all the uncertainty with it that death brinks.
There are certain things in life we are forbidden to talk about because the pain that it emits cuts deep but there are also others things that should be spoken about because you can see how the stories, although forbidden intertwine.