This hurts alot more than it should. At least alot more than I care to admit. If I don’t get these feelings out of me it is going to eat me up alive. Did you ever wonder what it would feel like if nobody loved you, recognized you, cared for you or even appreciated if you were around. This has become my living nightmare as I transition through day to day.
There is no denying the actuality of our life line being incredibly turbulent. No great feet was ever meet with some incredible time, patience and perseverance. What I began to notice the longer that I try to hang on for the ride is that there is always this natural instinct of knowing what is the…
I knew it would take time to adjust to each others habits and likes. Some days though there just seems to be a genuine lack of appreciation for all that I do. Those days make me drag my feet a lil longer. I still get it done because it boils down to a sense of pride for me and a sanitary environment for my son.
I am a functioning empath. My whole insides can be ripped into shreds but there is always a time and place. I usually like to cry alone because I don’t want to upset anybody else. Maybe because it is in that pain that I know came great love. In the memory of my friend who lost his way I want to reach out to those that are at their lowest. Yes I don’t know you. But I do love you. We get to walk and live this great Earth at the same sliver in time. I don’t want to make your journey harder I want to make it better. I want to inspire you to find the way to live your greatest life possible. That no matter who you are you are worth it even in those moments of greatest despair.
I stand on top of the cliff looking down at the water beating furiously on the rocks below. Reaching my hand into my pocket I feel the envelope cold in my hands. I want to take it out again but can’t. The words written on the envelope I sent in a red scrawl taunting me…
I am slowly working towards the person I want to be. I have taken the first steps in identifying when somebody is in pain. Not physical pain. The pain that nobody wants to talk about until it’s too late. Everything I have been working towards is to help those that need it most. I will hug a stranger (with permission of course), I will brush away their tears if need be. My self realization has brought me to a place where I am ready, willing and able to help all those I meet. It is time when we begin to live a life all together instead of divided apart. Your sex, race, nationality means nothing to me. You are human and that is all the realization I need to know.
In general I think it is easy to see those that should be deleted from your “social” life. We can’t really help who it is we run into in the streets or even at functions. You can though stop them from having a tabs on your life. It hurts. It hurts alot when people you have trusted use your thoughts and ideas for their own personal gain. All I can say is at the time I wish I had the courage to delete you earlier.
Suicide only truly hurts the living. At least for the one who saw it as their only way out. The suffering that they leave behind is now a noose around someboy’s else’s neck. Maybe it isn’t courageous to take that root. When you consider living in a World that can’t be satisfied no matter how selfless and hard you personally try. I am going to keep searching for a way to heal what I can.
We can withstand losing body parts, limbs, eyes etc but it is the physical pain that endures that we can’t live with. Pain drives as crazy. It takes our ability away from having any sort of free thought. Physical pain will make you lash out at anybody for whatever reason but it still doesn’t make you feel any better. In fact it makes you feel worse. The embarassment of not being able to control your emotions takes over like wildfire
It would take almost 2 decades for me to recognize the loss from that decision that day. And that really only evolved because I stopped EVERYTHING I was doing and changed my course. I had to. As the clock kept on ticking so did that dream of having a family and that desire to grow old with someone….see there it is again!