This hurts alot more than it should. At least alot more than I care to admit. If I don’t get these feelings out of me it is going to eat me up alive. Did you ever wonder what it would feel like if nobody loved you, recognized you, cared for you or even appreciated if you were around. This has become my living nightmare as I transition through day to day.
There is only so much a housewife can take before she snaps back and loses her mind. To stay in control or to lose my mind. One sounds so utterly delicious and the other so common, so mundane. I played by the rules of this game and found myself nowhere, not even close. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Maybe it’s time to mix things up again before this housewife finds herself going insane.
For those of us who have walked the line we know the vows that are exchanged. Sickness and health, richer or for poor, the bare basics of a loving relationship laid out for all to witness and adore.
It is in that simplicity in knowing that I am in fact part of a bigger picture. We all are. For no reason we find ourselves living at the same time bound by our place in eternity. This moment will soon be forgotten with nobody left to bring it back to life. That is so powerful in itself to think about.
There is no escaping the fear that comes when those in your life are content in beating you to death with your own fears. I know what I hate about myself and you do too. Why do you have to use it against me like you just found out how to use the ultimate tool. Behaviour like this just turns me off and pushes me far off farther to the side.
I have spent so much time staring in I no longer recognize that I am not included. I have learned to be kind and gentle to myself because that is always needed. And I learned more than likely when you do the right thing and you are scared of sticking out that that is when you find yourself as the odd one out.
Thinking in my head where the thoughts are moving a mile a minute I can’t help but thinking that maybe it is me. See if my husband hates me and my dad hates me than common sense it is definitely me. Maybe it is my love for “airing out dirty laundry”.
I never thought the person who hated me most in this life would be my husband. This single fact makes me long to take my last breath. I already feel this great shame because I have failed as a daughter and now no matter what I do I have failed as a wife. When I…
I am tired of existing alone in this house of chaos while he sleeps. I wonder how much longer I have in me to stay in something that is neither better or worse or just is. Either way I can see how he respects me in that in itself is something very hard to ignore.
I just want to live an existence where my family is proud of me. It is hard to live a life in the shadows of those you hold so high. Scared to move forward out of fear that it will all come crashing down. I longed for a World that made sense. Where we were…