When you are confident in your existence and where you are heading you don’t deplete your energy willy nilly you do so with full intention you do it slow and steady. We all want to build an empire but we don’t want to put in the work. For most nothing comes easy except life, death and taxes that is who most of us allowed our summary to read. I dare to outstretch my mind and dreams as far as they can span and I will do so accordingly. It isn’t a race and no one will win so use your time wisely and say no when you can.
My promise I made to myself when trying to fulfill this life was to never turn my back on that passing, their moment in time. If given the opportunity to ease in their travels from this realm to the next, I would consider it a great honour to be the one to hold you in your arms and tell you goodbye. Nobody should have to leave this Earth feeling so unloved and that is what will happened if I keep on this course that I am on. I am going to use this pain to start taking more risks. Life only happens once and it is over in a blink of an eye. One year you are married the next year you die.
What is mine is mine but if it makes you happier I will share all my posessions with you. What I value more than anything is a kindred heart and spirit, a loyal friend, an ally and those gems are worth their weight in gold. Those people I will cheer on endlessly and for them I will always have an extra spoon.
My fear before self discovery was leaving the house and be the subject of rude stares and ridicule. There is something about a well dressed lady that serves like nails scratching on a black board instead of being more welcoming. I dress to be welcoming and maybe to appear like I have a level head. The idea that I have to hide that part of me in order to be friendly just gets on my nerves. Outside is to peoply with a high chance of aggravation when you find yourself in the wrong company.
So in order to preserve my sanity I will forgo the Facetime with Family sticking with more traditional methods insteads. Taking the time to put pen down on paper I will speak all the words my heart longs to say. I am still the shyest gal in the room, on-line or not caring too much what others think.
You attract blessings by being a blessing and by putt your best energy forward. People say to just let life be and enjoy the present moment. You can do that and at the same time look for something a bit more comfortable. The present moment is only present in that very moment before it becomes history. There is value in the past, there has to be, if only we knew what to focus on and of course where to look.
The building blocks to a life well lived usually start from there. To nurture those in our family is to give them our unconditional love and support. What is missing from my life is a cheerleader, somebody to help me up when I fall down. Without a husband who cares and loves me I am just a middle aged lady growing cold.
Inside every single one of us we have the power to make somebody a great day. If you don’t believe me try it. Notice something about somebody else. Their shoes, socks, earrings, how cute their accent is. There is a million reasons to be nice to somebody today and only one reason why you wouldn’t. (that one reason being because you are an asshole…enough said.)
There was never a guarantee that after 30 days my anxiety and depression would instantly lift. In fact I find myself struggling more than ever. It feels like I am in the eye of the storm struggling to grab a hold of something before reality breaks off and I am lost into oblibion. Never to be seen again.
This hurts alot more than it should. At least alot more than I care to admit. If I don’t get these feelings out of me it is going to eat me up alive. Did you ever wonder what it would feel like if nobody loved you, recognized you, cared for you or even appreciated if you were around. This has become my living nightmare as I transition through day to day.