Sealed with Love (Sweet Ruby Bluez) xx

There are so many reasons why I want to give up. There are so many more why I won’t. When I chose to give myself up freely to the powers that may be I had no idea the directional course it would put me on. I can’t tell you what it feels like. What I know though is somewhere through all the smoke and mirrors I know that there is pain and there is hurt and if I didn’t at least try and make the World a better place… I had to at least try.

Always an Addict, Always Alone

I am a functioning empath. My whole insides can be ripped into shreds but there is always a time and place. I usually like to cry alone because I don’t want to upset anybody else. Maybe because it is in that pain that I know came great love. In the memory of my friend who lost his way I want to reach out to those that are at their lowest. Yes I don’t know you. But I do love you. We get to walk and live this great Earth at the same sliver in time. I don’t want to make your journey harder I want to make it better. I want to inspire you to find the way to live your greatest life possible. That no matter who you are you are worth it even in those moments of greatest despair.

Not All Fairy Tales Comes True

I stand on top of the cliff looking down at the water beating furiously on the rocks below. Reaching my hand into my pocket I feel the envelope cold in my hands. I want to take it out again but can’t. The words written on the envelope I sent in a red scrawl taunting me…

Our Toxic Thoughts

I am far from perfect but I have learn to forgive myself. I try to remind myself to be kind as many times as a find a new grey hair (trust me that is a lot). Let’s replace our own toxic thoughts with a harmony that will be remembered throughout time. It doesn’t have to reach the masses of epic proportions. It only needs to reach and touch you.

The Addict Amongst Us

My husband has been clean for 5 years. The friends that he was closest with growing up are still struggling. We all know how hard it is to give up on our childhood friends especially when you have lived that sort of lifestyle together. It is incredibly odd to listen to him and his friend talk about those they grew up with, those that still use and those that have either died or have found themselves back in jail.

Loving and Losing An Addict

The monitors beeping tell us you are still with us. That cold dark feeling tells us you aren’t. Holding your hands, brushing your hair out of your eyes, rubbing your feet…all of desperate just to see you smile again. The only reason why you are still with us is our guilt. That is what keeps…

Desperately seeking salvation

Walking down the gleaming white halls towards ICU it’s like the feelings of all those who walked before you smack you in the chest. You don’t want to keep going but your feet keep pushing you forward. Thankful for the locks between corridors as I try to find the strength to keep going. My husband…

Losing the dance with addiction (and the pieces left behind)

We all know an addict and have witnessed the horrible struggle that resides inside of them. We all have held hope in our heart that they will wake up and see what they are doing and stop. We all know somebody who has overdosed but because the worst outcome isn’t an option for us they…