For those of you who know my storey already know that I am convinced that something divine happened to me that day my son breathed his first breath. I wanted to say born but the fact is he was cut from my body. For whatever the reasons that I will never be entirely sure of…
It took a long hard battle to get here and at times I never thought it was possible. My own negative thoughts and energy prevented me from becoming anything more. I am not sure what sparked inside of me. It began long before my brush with death. Well not too long because at 37 I was still lost and struggling to find my way.
We all have these incredible opportunities to live out our lives differently but there is always something that is holding us back. Call it an insecurity that resides within ourselves. Something that took a hold of us a long time. It dulled that sparkle that we used to look at the world with. Wide eyes…
It’s not the existing in a time where you are no longer. We all know that this is the cycle that we all endure. My question is just in the wondering what happened to you. Who were you and what did your life mean to you? There is going to come a time in somebody else’s life where they are going to wonder the same about me. I wonder if there is enough recorded to appease the curiosity.
Nobody can devalue your currency if you stand proud and tall. Know your self worth. Know the impact you can have on the World. In the face of negativity turn away. There is only strength when you allow there to be. You can’t fan a flame with no wind and eventually that flame will die if it is not fed. Let fear and negativity fall at your feet as you find the courage to walk in thy own image sheltering others in your wake.
I had been caught up to some degree with the outside competition of who was truly living happier. I gave all that up though when my son was born. Him happening into our lives in the manner and way that he did shows me that sometimes you just have to exist and nothing more. The day is going to happen wheather you get out of bed or not.
I used to sit there for so long and listen to those that I love talk down to me like I was never going to amount to anything. A waste of life those closest to me said. A constant disappointment. It became far easier to believe those lies then to fight against the surge of ignorance bound my way. When you stop believing in yourself and what could possibly be you find yourself in a very dangerous, toxic place.
Our house is bursting with love from all of our furbabies, our family and our friends and neighbours that happen through our doors. We are building a different reality that is based on a more positive note. We know that in numbers we can make a difference no matter the size. That in unity we will find a way to heal the World and if not we will heal each other and find sanity in a sad reality.
As my order is given to me. I smile lovingly as I feel all warmed from the memories. The coffee feels even warmer in my hands as I thank the employee and drive away. I can’t help but take one more glance at the energy and life coming from the lobby. As I drive around I even see the men who still smoke hanging out around back. I wonder why it is so we don’t appreciate what it is we have? I am always guilty of this.
We would sell our soul to the devil if we thought salvation would be that easy. We live in fear and forget that the only one with all the answers lays in wait inside of us. To scared to let our prisoner free out of fear of what the rest of the world will do or see. You see I have long since come to realize that maybe my suffering comes from a place out of discontent and not fear. Maybe my destiny is to live my ife a little bit differently to help others be their light.