I wait in limbo because if I go anywhere but there my hope in the future will surely die. I can’t focus on the possibility of what could have been and maybes because I can’t let too much time slip on by. What I do though is marinade in her thoughts and memories and anything else that I was feeling during that time. If only I can remember those days then it is like you are still here with me. No matter how hard I try I am still broken and it is incredibly impossible for the rest of the world to ever understand or even try to believe.
Category: Self Care
A Traumatic Search to find My Authentic Self
I think that is why so many people think I am crazy or why I can so easy bring a tear to my eye. I know what it feels like to live broken and have those closest to you hate you so much you wish you could die. Instead of having a family that was supposed to love me I was treated like garbage and thrown away. I am sorry I was forced to endure this pain it is something that lives inside of me still to this day.
Highly Charged and Overly Emotional
I feel for those who did nothing more than being born then they are forced to live a life that not many would wish their worst enemy ever to endure. When kindness and compassion can be the emotion that reins supreme it never ceases to amaze me how others will chose to be.
The Strength I Need
I couldn’t break the cycle because there was never anybody on the sidelines routing for me. I had to do it all again while being ridiculed. I got to a place where I could do was curse my good name. If you hated me I hated me too and there is not much one can do once you have reclaimed your place in the dirt. If it wasn’t for trying to prove my haters wrong I think I would have given up by now, my son gives me all the strength I need these days so that I can move on.
Imagine An Existence
Imagine having to hear over and over again how pathetic you are and how you failed in all the ways. Imagine an existence where you are told your value is virtually worthless as they look down their nose at you and turn away. Imagine an existence where you are made to believe that you are a free loading nut whose value is tarnished, nobody else could ever want you so it is best if you just stay put.
Knocked Down a Level
.Hell has no fury than a lover scorned but what happens when they don’t like you? Well the 110% truth and reality is you have two choices and once you have made yours what right do you have to complain. Am I right? Because that is what I keep telling myself when I notice that nothing is ever going to change.
Since I was very young I was forced to talk to a therapist which I never understood because they knew nothing at all about me. More to that they had no idea about the experiences I have gone through so how would they know how I felt and how these experiences made me to be.
I think the majority of us are overstimulated. Think about it. We have all become obsessed over something in the most unhealthiest of ways. There is something that we indulge in that is detrimental to our existence and I for one am growing tired of all of that white noise.
No Going Back
I used to think that I stayed for my son but now I realize that something is just not right. There shouldn’t be so much anger and hate and not everything and every day has to turn into a massive fight. I have been pushed to my breaking point and now I fear that I may not be able to get put back together. With too much damage that is continuously occurring what hope or possibility do I ever have of surviving?
This Too Shall Pass
I don’t need to be fooled by those who insist on fooling themselves because at least I am honest with myself and I believe that is the best way to be. I know at times it hurts to think about the lengths another has gone to betray you but if I have learned anything in this life I know these feelings will soon pass too.
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