What I just experienced in the last 24 hours was something so cold and callous I had to shut off electronics just to survive. I couldn’t let the system manipulate my senses like she intended on doing. What just happened to me is the biggest flaw in the system and it is the reason why so many refuse to conform . Why just a system that looks for human errors then hangs us out to dry. The words, “I came to make an example out of you,” curdle inside my brain.
There has to be a purpose a reason that can only be seen once we are finally knocking on that door so why be an *sshole here and now and make it incredibly impossible for others to live and breathe. When I begin to attract the light of the entities that once was and that I hope to find once more blessings happen. Small ones. Ones that only a heart that is truly open can finally feel and understand. When you see those blessings arise in a seemingly impossible day you get inspired. You get all the feels and you finally begin to feel good. All the hard work and determination starts paying off in small ways and you know that it is the love that you have found in others that is the drive in everything behind. Without their purpose and their will and their insight into every day I don’t think I could find a purpose or even a will to stay.
Maybe that is where we get stuck the most is we tend to over think. Just relax. There will always be those that are out there trying to distract you and honestly just pay no mind. A cat doesn’t question when his next nap is coming. He has full belief it will come. Even in the darkest hours of abandonment they find rest. Peace comes when they finally find acceptance and a window perch that they will always forever be able to reset their head.
Real friends celebrate in all the victories and don’t just pick and chose the ones they see fit. They don’t say if only you had the courage and then you find the courage then they are high tailing it for the high hills and beyond. Does anybody ask why it is we chose to live the lives we do and what it is we hope to achieve? My hope is to provide a life for my family. Something that we can look back on after all these years.
The little voice inside me told me to research the side effects of Effexor. Strange eh not that I was looking or needing an excuse to ditch this drug for good but it just reinforced how we really need to dig deep and listen to what truly makes our own heart beat and make it so that each one of us have a chance to be heard.
At the same I am getting told off by some narcissist sliding into my DM’s with the latest dick pick I am also getting told off by my husband. I hate saying anything. Most times I just freeze up and become mute. On one end I am getting called a douche because I don’t want to respond to this hyper sexualized person as my husband arrives home to dictate my day.
Nobody should have ever been made to feel like their life force was less than perfect. The holes that we have been content with will one day divide this great nation. There has to be consequences for an egotistical mind hell bound and comforted with it’s own conceit. One was to ensure that another was prosperous the other made sure that the others would have nothing to eat. Big businesses and their gluttonous, cannibalistic ways won’t be content till they have their own ways.
I imagine my life a lot differently. It’s terrifying to walk out on the edge and stare into the abyss and wonder just what if I lived my life a little differently? What if I dared to try to live my life without conventional mainstream purpose but came to accept my place in nature and in life as I come to find?
So am I Pin-Up? Heartbreakingly I will have to now say no. Those I thought had the best intentions for the world had fallen from grace in my eyes. I used to adore and admire their positive ways but fell out of love with them for obvious reasons. When you hold the public’s eye captive for even a moment you have a responsibility to live differently.
Our lives are intertwined and then we become nothing for no reason? No something is at work much deeper here and it sucks all the more because I can feel it. Every fiber of my being begins to stand on edge and take notice. Are we as a race that heartless? is the almighty dollar really that more important? Than human life and love and freedom and laughter. We snuff it all without caring. We do it all without thinking. We don’t care who that somebody is that we are squashing underneath our feet. As long as it is not somebody we care about right? but what about if it were me?