Things I Wished I Learned

All she is is a memory with her wedding photo on my desktop to make me cry. A young woman with so much hope, virality and promise who dreamed of a family one day. One day. Now that one day is gone. Her family is still here but one day they won’t be. I need her to be around somewhere hopefully smiling down on me. When the rest of the world hates me I pray that she still loves me. I need to believe in something or I have no idea where I would end up or eventually be.

Am I Normal?

When I see shots on my social depicting rape I don’t say anything why is it that you are determined to report lil ol me? All these sacrifices being made as you sub to your leader triggers me in all the wrong ways without you even batting an eye, but me? My PTSD and anxiety threatens to take over me. What I don’t understand is how my pot smoking triggers you even though I need this delicious elixir just to breath.

When Backs Are Turned

Rejection hurts doesn’t it? Especially by those that you have come to adore. The ones you look up to, to radiate sunshine will have regurgitating your lunch and sometimes more. Did they really just say that? Is that how they really feel? I had no idea they felt this way about me. Not everything is as it seems.

The Bad Man

I want to tell you why it is important to live your life like nobody is watching and why so many of us or incapable of doing just that. Or when we start to gather a crowd around us we allow it to go straight to our heads and start engaging in deplorable acts and things. This small BC town girl never waivered for a minute even when the man came calling for her early on.

In Meeting Death

If I close my eyes it feels like just yesterday complete with touch, sound and smell. I hear her loving voice guiding me reminding me that in her eyes that I can do no wrong. She wanted to grant me the chance of having a family because she knew in my heart that was all that I ever wanted. She needed to use this time before I became a new mother to remind me of what was important and what was right. That there would always be temptation and evil intentions that are always out there trying to persuade you and mislead you. Evil never wins but they do try to prevent us from rising above them and getting to the top. That was why Death kept coming for me to remind me that some choices will have consequences and can be dire.

The Ego Behind Big Business

Nobody should have ever been made to feel like their life force was less than perfect. The holes that we have been content with will one day divide this great nation. There has to be consequences for an egotistical mind hell bound and comforted with it’s own conceit. One was to ensure that another was prosperous the other made sure that the others would have nothing to eat. Big businesses and their gluttonous, cannibalistic ways won’t be content till they have their own ways.

“She’s Not Pin-Up”

So am I Pin-Up? Heartbreakingly I will have to now say no. Those I thought had the best intentions for the world had fallen from grace in my eyes. I used to adore and admire their positive ways but fell out of love with them for obvious reasons. When you hold the public’s eye captive for even a moment you have a responsibility to live differently.

What is an Empath?

I feel way too much and that’s what drove me to drugs and just needing to feel numb for just a little bit. The problem with an empath is we are to busy feeling others energies and then all of a sudden it is ours being ignored. I just want to live happy enjoying my family and friends. Is that too much to ask in this world, I think sometimes it is.

Ignorance or Bliss

Is it ignorance or bliss that fuels us? Do we see ourselves in our true image or is it just the image that we are trying to portray. On some level it is that portrayal of ignorance that draws us in. That desire to help those that appear to want to be saved. Except in…

My Journey to Self Discovery

We can try to convince ourselves of anything as long as it makes sense in our own head Content in my own misery I try to find the rose colored glass I need to make sense of it all. I want to believe that I have found myself on the right place. At times it…