Emotions when heated spread like rapid fire and spread across many. Many more than we can ever imagine at an impact we couldn’t foresee preparing for. With history bound to repeat itself we have better learn by our mistakes. One to live more honestly and the other to do what it takes.
We become scared to dress, scared speak, scared to live and scared to just be. I used to avoid certain places out of fear of being beat down. I understand the fear bestowed upon the bully I feel like I lived forever that way. Forty years of experience has taught me one thing. You never get scared of just trying but maybe still have fear from the sting.
The longer she was gone the more scared I became but as I looked around I found out what I could be appreciative for. Those that I asked and even our neighbors were very receptive and sympathetic to our pet. It gave me a little faith in our neighborhood and maybe an insight to what’s to come. I never made my interview ( I couldn’t imagine faking being happy during all this) but the lovely lady rescheduled so we all have that to look forward to. And for those that are wondering what happened to my husband’s cat. Well that cat eventually did come back.
The way some of us talk, “oh, I wasn’t there, that wasn’t me or my family.” I don’t give a damn if you were because we are talking about now. If somebody tells you right here, right now that something that happened in the past affects them to their core you should honour those feelings and try to heal them. Somewhere throughout their time line in multiple layers of DNA is a rupture that was brought on by the hands of another.
My life is only worth what I deem it to be and I don’t need anybody else coming up with their own facts. I appreciate the time and space I find myself in the good, the bad and the ugly because it is going to help shape my son and his destiny. The more obstacles you learn to overcome and trouble that you face you can only come out stronger don’t you think?
I am tired of watching those get shunned for asking questions trying to understand the purpose and place that is their life. I am thankful for my voice and the opportunity to express it even if it only just resonates between one or two. I feel that deep inside of all of us we can be the voice of reason and change if only what we had to say stopped falling of deaf ears. We just need to find each other amongst the chaos so we can heal and live again.
Payphones were a real thing back in high school. You needed a quarter to call anyone and even more if you needed to call out of town. We weren’t up each others asses like we are now and maybe that is why we are less gracious when it comes to the big picture. With life at our fingertips it is easy to forget what brings us to life. I suppose it becomes easier when we are able to slow down and see it from another’s eyes.
I am the one whose supposed best friend broke into my parents house at 19 with my ex bf the love of my life. Imagine my horror as my best friend and her new best friend were all snuggled up to my ex. More justification of my value, worthless to all and the brunt of most jokes. It felt like everybody around me was happy with friends and families and I had none.
I have spent so much time staring in I no longer recognize that I am not included. I have learned to be kind and gentle to myself because that is always needed. And I learned more than likely when you do the right thing and you are scared of sticking out that that is when you find yourself as the odd one out.
You can’t become anything more than you already are if you do nothing different than you have already done. You have to be prepared to live your life different and stand outside from the crowd no matter how ackward or for how long you stand outside alone. What do you do with something you value do you hold it close or do you keep it away?