Another trip around the sun and I would like to think that I learned a thing or two. I try anyways to live a life full of wonder and amazement even when today’s times are challenging us not too. So here is a list of 42 things I have learned (or picked up on) in my first 42 years around the sun. These are only my insights and have no reflection regarding anybody else and their values, only mine.
My life I know was given to me by chance but inside me is something powerful begging to learn that last dance. It is not enough for me to walk happily alone so my energy begins to shift and search for another who is hurting. The discontent of another can be felt by so many; however we are too concerned with popularity to stand outside the sidelines and pick up the broken, fallen and unsteady. Once I see you for who you truly are I have no problem pouring the gasoline. You see I know you are capable of setting off that fatal spark. It is why I sit here alone waiting for others in the dark.
I look for it in everybody. Yet it is something I have only experienced once. That magical time you find yourself in the company of a star crossed soul you were destined to meet. In their company you can be anybody and you can achieve anything because it is in having them close that you finally feel complete.
Imagine a time when we weren’t up each others backside and how less neurotic we would all be. The constant competition between each other makes it so I can’t breathe. So I don’t. Not in this World anyways, I breathe life into the next. I prepare myself for a love that is not coming to me during my stay this time around.
Out of everything we are and will be, being authentic is crucial for the salvation of ones soul. Think about it. How do you feel when you are being ignored? The same rings true for when you fail to honour yourself, your light, your dreams out of fear what others might say.
I feel way too much and that’s what drove me to drugs and just needing to feel numb for just a little bit. The problem with an empath is we are to busy feeling others energies and then all of a sudden it is ours being ignored. I just want to live happy enjoying my family and friends. Is that too much to ask in this world, I think sometimes it is.
I don’t want to waste my life when others were so hopeful. Doesn’t that seem absolutely ridiculous when you think about it. I don’t like my appearance I live in a time when I can change it. I can cut and dye my hair, tatty up my skin to hide my scars, I can pierce and brand my body till my hearts content because that is what was rewarded to me by my ancestors laying down their lives for my freedom and sins. I could have lived my own dreams but I was to scared to dream them. Wasting away the days until I am finally free.
There is no hidden tricks. No secrets for us to find. Just a sisterhood of beauty and make-up where we get paid along the way. I am tired of funding somebody else’s dreams, children’s braces or even tuition. I can do it all myself and I can do it all by looking good. That’s what made it simple by committing to myself for only 6 months. I know I am worth it and I know you are worth it we all have a dream we are working towards and we all deserve to be surrounded by love and happiness while being our true authentic self.
Dance like no one is watching to the music in your heart and in the first time in a long while take a deep, cleansing breath and exhale. We have all had a lot of one on one time, depending on where you reside in the world, and coming out the haze on the other side we either like who we have become or we detest our own being. Either way this is who we have defined ourselves to be. We have either grown content in living a lie or we have found a way to embrace our truth. The road may have been difficult but once out the other side things don’t seem all that bad.
When this choice presented itself to me it was a no brainer, but has now left me dazed and confused as the idea of reopening that cesspool of worms that had me logging off of Facebook in the first place. To be real it actually triggers me greatly signing myself up again to be subject to all that negativity and bullying abuse.