You disrespect yourself every time you chose to ignore somebody else’s bad behaviour. Let that sink in.
My Instagram profile isn’t about sex or hooking up it is about establishing a real life long connection. I want to share my stories with others and have them share with me. I could care less about getting off to be honest. There is so much more to my world than that. What started as a conversation that was filled with so much potential and hope ended up being another dirty slide in my DM’s which just kind of reinforces my lack of faith in mankind. Can human beings be friends anymore or is it always a wam bam thank you ma’am until the bitter end.
Time slips by so fast so we want to be in the game more times than we are left sitting on the bench. They say we regret 99% of the shots we don’t take so what is the harm if we just sit out just this one? This one could be all the difference. This one could change a life. In fact all you need is one to make you feel good and just one to help turn out the lights. It takes just one to check in on you in that loving sort of way. It takes one to lovingly hold you and keep the bad one at bay and away. What I wouldn’t do to have somebody on my side. It is exhausted waiting to take part in my own life but I don’t want to do anything to extreme. I am happy in just existing, too scared in knowing how good anything else could feel.
What I wouldn’t give to have somebody I can share my secrets with. My heart literally beats right out of my chest. My animals are my salvation and they are my saving grace. They remind me how it feels to be loved and adored. Watch the way they look up at you and wait for you to sit down. They are the first to want to sit beside you and get a hug or too or even maybe a pet. They don’t care if you are still in your pajamas or if you forgot to wash your face. All they want is you in that moment and that is a feeling you will never be able to forget or erase.
Have you ever had to sit in a room with who you thought was loving family only to be called a c*nt and made to feel shame for choices you made when you were a kid. Every have a family member laugh at you for being raped and wondering why you always cry? I demand the life I want because what people have taught me is they don’t give a f*ck about me. Now I sit here in my own vomit wondering if this life is all worth it with frenemies like that.
Don’t ask me to smoke bowls and bangers with you one day and helping me take videos for instagram if you are going to keep throwing your filth my way. I told him that as my husband he should be my biggest fan and the fact that he is the one leading my haters I just want to kick him in the balls. But I can’t because he is my son’s father so I just swallow all this crow and say have yourself a nice day. I warn him that one day he is going to wake up and everything that he complains about is going to be long gone. You know what Motha F*cka it is too late for coulda, woulda, shoulda 4 years is long enough to have my soul grated. Now I am off to make myself a great day!
I think that is what I love most about my public use of cannabis. Everybody has an opinion. Sometimes it is for your or against you or something entirely else. What lurks int he shadows is terrifying that is why I leave the dark and enter my dreams. What the uptight neighbour besides us just shows the extent of another’s twisted own mind. We all knows somebody who smokes cannabis then plays like they don’t when it comes to social media. What a scam!! I only come out on April 20, every single g*d damn year! What the ever living f*ck is wrong with you? Stop throwing stones and blowing bubbles and have yourself a nice day.
So before I go let’s dissect these thoughts with a philosophical brain. I don’t need too many friends persay, my Grandmother lived on a farm and she was glorious. Yes maybe my life partner needs to change but all in good time. I will keep on working on me until then let’s move on to the next point of this thought stream. I am going off my prescriptions and there is not a damn thing anybody can do. With side effects of taking ones beauty F off!! I see what time it is, game over. Nevermind. Get the F out of here. The real history of Canada seriously needs to come into light. I will not buy into this colonized way of life anymore no thank you not for me. I just want to live a good life filled with kindness and respect and if the Universe can throw in some true love who would I be to complain?
Think of the girl we were born to be, before the world got to cold and took our smile away. There had to be a way to set aside those that understood my journey and to them I didn’t need to keep explaining. They didn’t roll their eyes and say, “OMG not another MLM vomit”, no my VIP’s greeted me with open arms and I could hear their cheer even when I had shut the blinds and pulled the blanket over my eyes and begged for the darkness of night to take my cheer away. These women came and celebrated my victories and heard my cries and said let’s host another Nail Bar, let’s do what you love doing, let’s celebrate beauty and sisterhood and all the things that you stand for and all the things that you were born to do.
The right team is crucial in anything in life that we do and that includes all different types of the family dynamic. Remember if you are doing the right thing in life you will never feel like you are working. Being kind to the hand that feeds you is harder to do with sore cuticles and ragged nails believe you me. After all these years I still remember both of my Grandmother’s hard working hands and how I wish I could hold them just for one moment more. If only I knew the grace that comes when being kind and how I wish we would all do something more.