I wish I could have seen the error of my way and started anew half a life time ago. I am so scared of not being able to become who I was meant to be because I wasted so much time.
I am the worst self advocate. In fact I have proven more than once that I prefer the path of least resistance. The path where those who would actually oppose me are passed out from being too high or too drunk. I was a daddy’s little girl until even my dad could no longer love me
Content on sucking the life out of all living things we fail to recognize what is right in front of our eyes. All life is born to die and because we all exist in this same life wouldn’t that mean that we will also follow each other in death too?
“But at the same time, despite the stress of her conflicting fictions, it was finally a spiderlike sorcery that helped her sew her scattered selves together into a single yarn of pearl.” I spent a lot of time making up excuses for the train wreck that I was instead of trying to find a way…
There’s that meme out there that says, “I want to live in a World where the air doesn’t hurt my face.” I just want to live some place where living doesn’t hurt my soul. When I think about how bold of a statement that is to think that out of everything that life grants us…
I mean I used to want to be a somebody in the community until I saw what some of the somebody’s had become. It goes against everything inside of me that I have been dreaming to awaken back to life. In my humblest form I just want to be somebody who appreciates life, love and nature and not the selfish green eyed beast that some become.
When armed with a secret that you promised not to tell it burns a hole in your mind till you are shouting it from the roof tops. Losing friends I thought I made in this impossible journey I know as my life I see now the were just an obstacle that was standing in my way. They were sent to try and upset the balance of my inner peace and to try once again to dull my shine.
Maybe that is the biggest lie ever told. Instead of living to die maybe we are dying to live always in a rush in the opposite direction. What choice do we have but to live in the image that makes us happiest, at least that will be in a language we can understand.
The only demon mind that I should fear is that of my own. Only she has been made of my weakness and only her version of me can stop me from being able to shine. One a living nightmare the other lost in a dream. Both are versions of me and both forever intertwined.
There wasn’t much to do but conceive children and try to maintain the health and prosperity of all. Divorce was frowned upon because once the deed was signed you truly became the property of the man. The older you became the least valuable you were. The best you could hope to be was a teacher or tutor for somebody else’s kids, a constant reminder of how you failed as a woman.