Our careless self-righteous entitlement is what has left the Earth’s energy depleted and negative. Think about it. How do you feel about you? Before all that negativity begins to seep into your brain. If you value, you and your existence just a little bit doesn’t that mean that the person next to you should be and is entitled to feel the same? That is what is missing, that deeper connection with self and then in turn each other. We might not be able to stop the world from turning but we can become each other’s little piece of Heaven here on Earth.
I never wanted to damage my son but what I am allowing for his father to do to us and him is more than I have ever wished or even wanted to have to wade through. I am not a dumb c*nt who is deserving to die. I don’t want to do the world a favour and let life slip me by. To hear these words that are said in front of my son makes me want to leave forever, always staying on the run.
I still believe in true love. I think that is why I can’t behave in such a way. Why just throw down with just anybody when I can find the one who fills my heart with joy and makes me believe in the brightness of each day. Inside each woman is the promise of a new beginning so why just pollute the potential for greatness while filling up each and every hole. Seal it up with whatever can be found and don’t treat it like the gift that was given when you can pound it into the ground.
We are notorious for judging a book by it’s cover and only seeing what it is that we truly want to see. We can excuse away any kind of piss poor behaviour by citing all sorts of depravity that the world so desperately wants to believe. We can’t believe in anybody or anything anymore as fairytales turn to darkness preventing anybody else from ever being able to see.
Just a little bit longer can he be the center of my world? but I have to be realistic when it comes time from separating him from me. I know it is a scary world out there so I need to do what I can to empower him and that is to sharpen up his senses and help him understand the words and emotions that other beings just can not see. Maybe not directly but in time it will become almost so. All I want for him is the best chance at existing. I think that will be my life mission until I grow old.
All she is is a memory with her wedding photo on my desktop to make me cry. A young woman with so much hope, virality and promise who dreamed of a family one day. One day. Now that one day is gone. Her family is still here but one day they won’t be. I need her to be around somewhere hopefully smiling down on me. When the rest of the world hates me I pray that she still loves me. I need to believe in something or I have no idea where I would end up or eventually be.
I know one day this will be all over as time as we know it is slowly ticking away. It feels like just yesterday I was a 20 year old with so much hope and promise only to be kicked out by my knees when I hit 30 only to catch my breath when 40 rolled around to wake up to where I am now. Those people who always wish for more time to get up and do something never fully realized that the time to get up is now.
There are those beings in life that are out truly just to enjoy the very presence of your existence then there are others that will suck your soul right out if given the chance. Sometimes who we desire to be is out of our grasp and our very own reality as we fail to open up our hearts and truly see.
That is what drives me to do everything that I do. So I can be an example to him who he needs to be. Not grow up in my EXACT image but have the confidence to know that you can be anybody that you can. Sure I might have been a little bit of a beautiful disaster but I dusted myself off quite well don’t you think? For no reason why I wake up with a fire in my soul. I think my drive was given to me as a blessing when I was lost and feeling out of sorts and most definitely out of control.
There is no explanation for why a soul may turn black. Maybe it starts deeper further back then we can ever comprehend. Maybe some of us were descendants of monsters incapable of finding a way to let the warmth of the light find its way in. These monsters are the ones who come out to ridicule you. Making you feel a fool when what you really should have felt was acceptance and love.