Fitting In

At the time this was my best life until another man came around and took it away. He broke all the bonds that I had with my family and he made it almost impossible for me to want to live another day. I tried to take my life. Over and over again. At the time when I was hurting all I thought I wanted was a friend but what I came to know and realize all I wanted was a place where I could be forgiven and where I could fit in.

Who Am I?

Who am I? I am just a girl in tune with the world trying to make amends to all the powers out there that will be. It is sad what happens to a life so full of promise at the hands of another human being. That obsessive nature that dictates to them that what they desire is worth it to them and they will do anything in their power just so they can have what it is in this life that they truly want. To each their own I suppose all I want is a friend. Somebody who can be my ride and die and ride it out to the end.

A Reflection

Imagine reflecting back on your life and not recognizing who it is that you had become. Truly all the documentation that you worked so tirelessly too record now serves as a blaring record of all the ways you failed. Think about it. All these feelings that were creatively poured out onto the surface now shows our future generations all the ways that we have failed.

In Search for Authenticity

Is there a place for second chances I think that depends on who is asking? I am not one for granting forgiveness but I have been known to ask to be forgiven. What a funny world we live in. What a shame we only get to live once.

Not As It Seems

The older I get the more apprehensive I am because I know that you can’t just believe everything as it lies in front of you. Not everything is as it seems. We thrive on that fact. What can we make disappear with the untrained eye without doing a thing and is it possible that we can get other people to believe that exact thing?

Can One Forgive?

I think we need to forgive for ourselves but we should never forget. Forgive to ease the turmoil inside of our own minds and relinquish that power they hold over us inside of our own brains. Knowing who they are and what they are about is the most empowering thing but you have to keep them at arms length if you want your own life to be joyous enough to hear your own heart sing. Some people are only happiest when they see that you are pain and for as long as they are living these people will always make it rain.

You Dumb F*ck

Imagine being hated for just being you at least that is how I feel living in this house. His terms of endearment are always you f*cking goof or you dumb f*ck making sure that it is known that I am worthless never to be worthy enough to anybody else.

To Be Nobody

I think that is why I always wanted to be somebody. When everybody was laughing at me I always thought just you wait and see. I will work my fingers to the bone just to prove to you my worth not that it matters anymore but I feel that pressure still the same. I am embarrassed of who I am and the life that I had endured but at the time that I was living it all I wanted was to survive.

A Cracked Mind

I don’t know if it was me pulling the wool over my eyes or those voices in my head. The ones that keep on telling me that my best will never be good enough and I would be better off dead. There isn’t much to look forward to these days as I go through the movements and try to stop other people from seeing red.

Lose Control

What I have to remember is to relinquish all control to the higher beings and let life happen onto me as it may. I know that I can’t control the outcome no matter how hard I try or the words that I say. I think that is why it is so important to gravitate towards your own definition of happiness on your way to doing your own things. It is the only true feeling that we want to remember as it the one feeling that is capable on pulling on our heart strings.