Mistakes make us human. Forgiveness in quantifialbe portions make us compassionate. Too much makes us a fool. There is a fine line between loving somebody who doesn’t deserve it and getting used. Another problem with that is it always seems like the user rarely has to feel guilt or shame for their actions. Only the purest of hearts will feel the pain as they try to move forward in an unrecognizeable World.
We all have these incredible opportunities to live out our lives differently but there is always something that is holding us back. Call it an insecurity that resides within ourselves. Something that took a hold of us a long time. It dulled that sparkle that we used to look at the world with. Wide eyes…
Scared that I would never get there. Scared that I would always feel like I wasn’t going to be worthy of a decent man’s attention….you can go on forever about the things in the future. What I began to realize is that future point I was thinking of really didn’t matter. That if I didn’t get out and smell the daisies the whole World would pass me by. My fear of the future kept me from living.
It is never to late to let your guard down and love like it is the first time. In fact it is the first time. The first time in this moment, in this mindset, in this lifetime. Every moment from here on out is an opportunity for something great and to fall in love for the first time all over again.
Once that being no longer serves a purpose they become discarded and tossed like yesterday’s news. Only we do one better. When we decide to toss we also decide to burn the garbage on the way down to ensure zero to lil possibility of having any self esteem. What once looked like a caring friend now looks like that very disease that we have been trying so desperately to steer away from. There are so many ways to decipher through this mist of misconception. The pure of heart will never waiver in knowing right from wrong. Yes the untrained heart wants to believe that people will behave in the way that we have grown accustomed to.
A place where time does stand still. Where there is no white noise or negative feedback. Where the only thing that can be heard is the haunting melody connecting my soul with eternity. A place where I am safe and my mind is set free. Maybe that is the key. I need to find a way to harness that energy into a more conscious way of being.
We can withstand losing body parts, limbs, eyes etc but it is the physical pain that endures that we can’t live with. Pain drives as crazy. It takes our ability away from having any sort of free thought. Physical pain will make you lash out at anybody for whatever reason but it still doesn’t make you feel any better. In fact it makes you feel worse. The embarassment of not being able to control your emotions takes over like wildfire
My true frustration comes when all I am looking for is basic human compassion. With so much passing of time we almost have to rekindle, or try and rekindle what is lost. In the changing World where everybody so quickly just gives up and moves on I am hesitant to do so.
That is why I do the things I do the way I do. I know the most precious gift I have is when I passed on the gift of life to my son. I finally understand what my mom meant by her saying that all she wanted from us was to live better lives than her. I never truly understood what that meant. Now I know. She wanted to make sure we had the opportunities that she didn’t.
What seems to be hot on everybody’s list is this blind ignorance into nothingness. The ignoring of other peoples emotions, fears and shortcomings. We weren’t put on this Earth to fight over such trivial matters of World domination or control. It’s trivial because what does that all get you? You can be at the peak of your life and it can all turn on a dime. A bullet or an accident can take your place to ensure that there is nothing left of you to offer in the future.