Scared of My Own Shadow

Give back to ALL life like it is your last. It never ceases to amaze me how often so many of us just do the basics leaving the meat and potatoes of it to be done by our fellow men. If you believe the lies told about me then I think we have come to a drawing point in the sand. I don’t need another friend who doesn’t give a damn about me when I am doing the very best that I can. Y’all just don’t get it how exhausting one becomes when you can see through all their lies. Those are the ones who are the true empath’s and all too often we are the ones who are always being despised because we call y’all out and pin you down until we get the truth.

The Invisible Noose

I finally understand Robin Williams pain and how he came to the conclusion that he could no longer live another day. The constant pressure from the outside world to constantly be happy while living in your best image is a complication in my brain that I can no longer ignore and I have grown tired of trying to even explain.

Feeling Shame

I don’t want anybody around me anymore because it hurts too much when they decide to leave. They always leave. I am way too much for most people so I just sit here with a blank face trying to remember what it felt like when I was able to fully breathe. I hate being hated but that is all I am. I am not worthy of any kind of affection my own family has taught me that.

Too Ease The World

As I sit here in the cold trying to decide what to do all I can think about is how I wish this could end. I am so tired to hear the words of a man who promised to love me tell me I am not good enough to be the mom of my sweet Schmoo. He purposely sticks a knife in my chest then twists it till I can’t breathe. I need to get out of here but I have become too scared to leave so I sit in the cold all alone.

Sealed with Love (Sweet Ruby Bluez) xx

There are so many reasons why I want to give up. There are so many more why I won’t. When I chose to give myself up freely to the powers that may be I had no idea the directional course it would put me on. I can’t tell you what it feels like. What I know though is somewhere through all the smoke and mirrors I know that there is pain and there is hurt and if I didn’t at least try and make the World a better place… I had to at least try.

The Evolution of Dreams

That is something that isn’t really talked about to much. We are taught that dreams aren’t meant to be having. That if we stick to the course that was set out for us that we will achieve succcess. Who determines how success is defined for you. We have dissected everything down to its most literal sense and try to suppress any individuality.

Realization of Self

I am slowly working towards the person I want to be. I have taken the first steps in identifying when somebody is in pain. Not physical pain. The pain that nobody wants to talk about until it’s too late.  Everything I have been working towards is to help those that need it most. I will hug a stranger (with permission of course), I will brush away their tears if need be. My self realization has brought me to a place where I am ready, willing and able to help all those I meet. It is time when we begin to live a life all together instead of divided apart. Your sex, race, nationality means nothing to me. You are human and that is all the realization I need to know. 

The Elephant

Suicide only truly hurts the living. At least for the one who saw it as their only way out. The suffering that they leave behind is now a noose around someboy’s else’s neck. Maybe it isn’t courageous to take that root. When you consider living in a World that can’t be satisfied no matter how selfless and hard you personally try. I am going to keep searching for a way to heal what I can.

The Transcendence of Time Into a Limitless Abyss

We can withstand losing body parts, limbs, eyes etc but it is the physical pain that endures that we can’t live with. Pain drives as crazy. It takes our ability away from having any sort of free thought. Physical pain will make you lash out at anybody for whatever reason but it still doesn’t make you feel any better. In fact it makes you feel worse. The embarassment of not being able to control your emotions takes over like wildfire

Defective or Just Human?or other misguided life attempts…

If the shortest distance between two friends is a smile what is the furthest distance between enemies? The unknown? Search the deepest darkest parts of your brain. That corner that talks to us and tells us that we are not good enough. Sometimes this happens. To others our internal dialogue is a safe uplifting place….