Category: Uncategorized

The Strength I Need

I couldn’t break the cycle because there was never anybody on the sidelines routing for me. I had to do it all again while being ridiculed. I got to a place where I could do was curse my good name. If you hated me I hated me too and there is not much one can do once you have reclaimed your place in the dirt. If it wasn’t for trying to prove my haters wrong I think I would have given up by now, my son gives me all the strength I need these days so that I can move on.

I Don’t Want To Change

I finally get what people say when they don’t want anybody to change them. I feel like my husband is not able to accept me for who I am because he is incapable of loving me through all my emotional damage. Instead of telling me it will be ok and giving me a hug when I am manic he insults me and makes fun of me. Basically he just keeps pushing me further away.

What’s Going On?

This leads me to the importance of keeping your circle close and to have some sort of standards and a core value in place. If somebody in your life is constantly disrespecting you, there must be some sort of attached value or finite price. Why allow somebody who doesn’t have an interest in your heart have a say on what is going on

The Damage Is Done

If it ain’t broke don’t fix it but this relationship is damaged beyond repaired. The more things that are said out of anger are pushing me to a place where I can never forgive and honestly I don’t care. I began returning him the favour but I can see now how damaging that would be for our son. All I want is for him to see that we can be grown and act responsible he is seeing far too much for such a little kid.

Becoming A Parent

Too each their own but how far do we allow them to go? Do we keep on encouraging them to take shots that are sure to be misses as we lower our expectations to be more accommodating. I know I need some sort of help I am not denying any of those facts but my fear is that what I am looking for is not available too me. I don’t know what I am looking for but I know it goes above any traditional sense. I am too highly charged and overly emotional for anybody to desire to ever get close.

Stunned

I am stunned by everything that is happening around me. I used to believe in a life so perfect until I became a teen and life has I had come to know it began to rip apart at the seems. Our reality is that nothing is ever as it appears and we can be left scrambling to realize our own dreams.

Imagine An Existence

Imagine having to hear over and over again how pathetic you are and how you failed in all the ways. Imagine an existence where you are told your value is virtually worthless as they look down their nose at you and turn away. Imagine an existence where you are made to believe that you are a free loading nut whose value is tarnished, nobody else could ever want you so it is best if you just stay put.

Lights Out

The epitome of all Earth shattering violence. A bullet shot at the head goes straight through everything else instead. Game over. Lights out. There is nothing more that can be done. Did so and so really hate you that much that this is the only way that the game could have been won?

Knocked Down a Level

.Hell has no fury than a lover scorned but what happens when they don’t like you? Well the 110% truth and reality is you have two choices and once you have made yours what right do you have to complain. Am I right? Because that is what I keep telling myself when I notice that nothing is ever going to change.

Why I Write

During this time of incredible uncertainty I think my friends and family will have no question I am who I said I am. I write in the hopes of providing better for my family to inspire others to open up about there journey and do what feels right.