So in order to preserve my sanity I will forgo the Facetime with Family sticking with more traditional methods insteads. Taking the time to put pen down on paper I will speak all the words my heart longs to say. I am still the shyest gal in the room, on-line or not caring too much what others think.
The building blocks to a life well lived usually start from there. To nurture those in our family is to give them our unconditional love and support. What is missing from my life is a cheerleader, somebody to help me up when I fall down. Without a husband who cares and loves me I am just a middle aged lady growing cold.
There was never a guarantee that after 30 days my anxiety and depression would instantly lift. In fact I find myself struggling more than ever. It feels like I am in the eye of the storm struggling to grab a hold of something before reality breaks off and I am lost into oblibion. Never to be seen again.
This hurts alot more than it should. At least alot more than I care to admit. If I don’t get these feelings out of me it is going to eat me up alive. Did you ever wonder what it would feel like if nobody loved you, recognized you, cared for you or even appreciated if you were around. This has become my living nightmare as I transition through day to day.
We let too many people get away with murder as we tiptoe gingerly away! My feet will never grow tired of walking towards good people. Those same feet never skip a step when running away from the bad ones either no matter how high the heels or the distance I might have to go. I dare to love all differently with kindness and the upmost respect. I dare to live life differently no matter the hate or shade that I have been accustomed to expect.
Every single thing that breathes needs water and here we are disguising it in every shape and form to fulfill our needs. We don’t like our reality and the way we perceive it? Let’s numb the pain and tell a story that suits us best and leave it to those in our company to figure out the rest. The farther you come from that reality the worse off you will find yourself. Unless of course you are the 1% of wealth that leers down on top of us then this stress will never find you.
We are only limited to what our minds can achieve and don’t we owe it to ourselves and those who love us to want to keep reaching for those stars. Reaching into darkness with confidence and strength will ensure that maybe one day all your creativity will soon take hold and take off. You never know unless you try and you will be damned if you do and be worse off if you don’t.
Walking around there is just the regulars (you can tell who they are by the way they greet each other) and they are all eager to welcome somebody new. This day we were talking about the wind. I mentioned that what could we expect from riding around on a big rock spinning around the sun. He paused and laughed and said I guess so. I miss good people.
Somedays the toughest thing we can do is get out of bed. Our bodies are sore, our minds exhausted who has time or the energy to indulge in self care or vanity? Taking care of the only body we will ever know has nothing to do about vanity and ego’s but everything to do with how we perceive ourselves and the lifes we want to live. “Fake it to you make it!” Or “Dress for the life you want.”
We are so lucky to live in this time with so much knowledge and experience right at our fingertips. So much has been written, researched, said, don’t we owe it to ourselves to read between the pages and take a look? The imagery that comes alive in a well written book heightens your senses and takes you away to another time, another place.