One Insult Too Many

In a world that is so quick to be judgmental I just want to close my eyes and open them when we all start behaving nice. Respecting each other for the entities that we are instead of belittling to get attention so that we can get our say. Wouldn’t that be nice? It would never happen of course because we have all been engrained to compete. Nobody wants to stay at the bottom anymore if they can trample onto those bodies that have already hit the floor.

He Hit My Son

Moments like these cement our place in the world. They remind us what it means to be human and that there is nothing out there like a Mother’s love. I needed the reminder how much he needs me but I wish it never had to happen like this. You never know how far your heart can sink until another being is the reason why your heart cries. Watching him while he sleeps he is my angel here on Earth. I need to protect him and love him for as long as I can and always remind him of  how much he is worth.

Going To War

As sick as this is and how heart breaking it sounds you ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS have to look out for you and yours. As awful as what is happening in this world the higher ups and make it end. They have enough money among 3 of them then the rest of us left on this planet and combined. Ask yourself why are you going to keep on breaking your back for those that would never give a thought about you. I know who was there for me do you?

Growing Up in a Barn

Yesterday my husband decided to try out another creative insult. This time he lashed out at me, “Were you born in a barn?” To which I replied well no not exactly. I lived on a farm near my Grandparents barn and in all reality I was born in a hospital but lived in a trailer park for the first year of my life. And then he looked at me and told me to stop being stupid that it was a figurative of speech.

Losing My Mind

To each there own. There must be a better way? All I want is a life that doesn’t hurt in every which way. Getting yelled at from everybody I just want to vanish into thin air. This is not the life that I dreamed about when I was a kid but I do know what it feels like when a parent stops loving you. I have never stopped loving my son I am just desperate for him to have a better life. He deserves so much love. So much happiness. When I am surrounded by so much negativity all I am trying to do is survive.

Losing Life’s Meaning

My heart hurts. Of course it would. Life tends to lose all meaning as quick as it suddenly does. We all want to find our place in this timeline before we take our last breath. Everybody wants to be a gangster but do they have what it takes to keep their mouths fed? To put…

Am I Neurotypical?

Now these are just my thoughts about a situation that has arose and it deeply affected me. Not having many I trust in this life I kept this malicious keyboard attack completely to myself. I couldn’t engage. How could I? From the time I get up is a constant attack on my character. Be a better mom. Be a better wife. This is why you have no friends. This is why you have no life. Every little thing hurts and then my son gets up. There is no sinking feeling greater than hearing your son get so enraged. He needs help beyond what a mother can normally give. Have you ever heard your son talk about killing themselves and did I mention that he is only 4? Yes at 13 I threatened suicide but I was just raped. Did I squish my son to react like me? At 4 I would like to hope I didn’t, so? Of course I shut myself off because the life that I am living really hurts and it completely sucks.

Slain

Aren’t some people gross and the things that they can do? The way that they can overly justify their behaviour even though they are out of their minds and deranged. We have to stop giving people immediate access to us like they deserve it. Did they earn it in some way?? Did they go over and beyond the traditional conventional means or did they just waste away there on the sidelines using their anger as the be all and and end all to have it their way as it seems? Those who are overly aggressively in their mannerisms should serve as an immediate red light. Give to much room for them to wiggle out from underneath and you just might find yourself ending up slain.

Perceived as Superficial

Those who judge without living in glass houses should never be entitled to throw stones. I am tired of having a finger wagged at me for how I choose to medicate I just wish that some people would go away. At 300 mg of effexor, zoplicon and ativan I wasn’t me. Not even close. I became somebody who wasn’t even me. I shunned away those that showed me their true colors and what side of the fence they actually lived on and I continued  on a journey that was 100% truly me. Sure it hurts when those you enjoy in life just cut you off but my life has value too.

Light It Up

Anyways that’s my daily rant and I am sticking to it. No since arguing over spilled milk because you know at the end of the day if a cat ain’t around to clean it up then I best be getting it done. Why make a mountain out of a mole hill if I can prevent it at the starting line. I know most days what I need to do to get things done it is just a matter of putting the blinders on and trying to remain incredibly focused. Committed to the task at hand like only a soul on fire could ever dream of mastering one day. Why chase the chance at finding true love when you can find it in yourself after all this time? Become your own best friend like your life depended on it and radiate your truth from the sky. Nobody can promise you that it will be worth it in the end but only you will ever know. Don’t give those who only wish to see you fail that satisfaction of finally seeing you fail. Lit it up tall and high like only you can and ever will.