The older I get the more apprehensive I am because I know that you can’t just believe everything as it lies in front of you. Not everything is as it seems. We thrive on that fact. What can we make disappear with the untrained eye without doing a thing and is it possible that we can get other people to believe that exact thing?
Can One Forgive?
I think we need to forgive for ourselves but we should never forget. Forgive to ease the turmoil inside of our own minds and relinquish that power they hold over us inside of our own brains. Knowing who they are and what they are about is the most empowering thing but you have to keep them at arms length if you want your own life to be joyous enough to hear your own heart sing. Some people are only happiest when they see that you are pain and for as long as they are living these people will always make it rain.
You Dumb F*ck
Imagine being hated for just being you at least that is how I feel living in this house. His terms of endearment are always you f*cking goof or you dumb f*ck making sure that it is known that I am worthless never to be worthy enough to anybody else.
To Be Nobody
I think that is why I always wanted to be somebody. When everybody was laughing at me I always thought just you wait and see. I will work my fingers to the bone just to prove to you my worth not that it matters anymore but I feel that pressure still the same. I am embarrassed of who I am and the life that I had endured but at the time that I was living it all I wanted was to survive.
A Cracked Mind
I don’t know if it was me pulling the wool over my eyes or those voices in my head. The ones that keep on telling me that my best will never be good enough and I would be better off dead. There isn’t much to look forward to these days as I go through the movements and try to stop other people from seeing red.
What I have to remember is to relinquish all control to the higher beings and let life happen onto me as it may. I know that I can’t control the outcome no matter how hard I try or the words that I say. I think that is why it is so important to gravitate towards your own definition of happiness on your way to doing your own things. It is the only true feeling that we want to remember as it the one feeling that is capable on pulling on our heart strings.
Life As An Empath
I get made fun of for this reason. It’s the number reason why I want to keep everybody away. I am far too sensitive. I wish I wasn’t. I wish there was some way that I can ignore what is about to happen to every single one of us like it wasn’t coming for us like a high speed bullet on a one way track.
A Life Like This
I think how we continuously fail as humans is we put on expiry date on love. Love was never meant to last our whole lives but serve as a means just to waste away our time. Just look at how fast ones backs are turned when two people are unable to see eye to eye.
To Live Broken
This constant internal battle we face where we are constantly seeking outside validation is incredibly damaging. Like we are only able to be accepted and liked based on the value others have passed onto us. Imagine an existence where your best is never enough and you are always treated like dirt. What hope in hell did I have in becoming anybody when just existing has always hurt.
What my Doctor was able to figure out is I suffer from extremely low iron. So extreme in fact. We are trying to get my iron up to 300 units and I am happy to say I am up to 86! Which seems insane doesn’t it because I have been taking 300 mg of iron for almost 2 years!! So it’s obvious my body doesn’t absorb iron in the traditional sense but if you consider where I started I am on the right track wouldn’t you say? I started at 24!
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