The Strength I Need

I couldn’t break the cycle because there was never anybody on the sidelines routing for me. I had to do it all again while being ridiculed. I got to a place where I could do was curse my good name. If you hated me I hated me too and there is not much one can do once you have reclaimed your place in the dirt. If it wasn’t for trying to prove my haters wrong I think I would have given up by now, my son gives me all the strength I need these days so that I can move on.

Lights Out

The epitome of all Earth shattering violence. A bullet shot at the head goes straight through everything else instead. Game over. Lights out. There is nothing more that can be done. Did so and so really hate you that much that this is the only way that the game could have been won?

Overstimulation

I think the majority of us are overstimulated. Think about it. We have all become obsessed over something in the most unhealthiest of ways. There is something that we indulge in that is detrimental to our existence and I for one am growing tired of all of that white noise.

What You Aren’t Prepared For

What the world doesn’t prepare you for is what you lose when you begin to age. My maternal clock has been ticking for awhile now, hosting my mental health in a fragile cage. You never quite know what you want until it is taken away. I think this is what I feel when the promise of a new day begins to fade.

This Too Shall Pass

I don’t need to be fooled by those who insist on fooling themselves because at least I am honest with myself and I believe that is the best way to be. I know at times it hurts to think about the lengths another has gone to betray you but if I have learned anything in this life I know these feelings will soon pass too.

Small Town Girl

I am a small town girl na├»ve in nature but all the things exposed to me has made me wise beyond my years. I would never wish it upon my worst enemy to see the things that I have seen or to felt the pain that I have felt these kind of emotions aren’t privy to just anybody. I have been exposed to what the evil inside of each one can do and every time it happened I dug deep into my heart to try and find my home. The evil that some believe is entitled to them is alarming to me and that is why I keep on eye open when I finally decide to fall asleep.

In A Messy State

I used to doubt those feelings so bad and brush them off to the side. That is how I ended up with practically nothing holding onto those feelings wishing I could die. There something that happens to a being that fully believes that they have nobody. They begin to slowly rot from the inside, tormenting themselves continuously that they have nobody.

Why I Have No Close Friends

So why don’t I have too many close friends is because I find too many people too judgmental. And further to that judgement they couldn’t tell the truth to save their own lives. Why be around people who are so indecisive about their future that they want to take from yours too? I don’t know about you but my inner circle just doesn’t have room.

Despite What You Think

I felt that sting as I tried to get my barring’s in the world. There was a sense of fear and horror as I realized I had nowhere to go. I kept to myself. I always kept to myself. Anytime I began to trust somebody the ending just didn’t seem to play out right.

One Foot In the Grave

Growing up in the 90’s we were the generation to be heavily medicated. You weren’t cool unless you were prescribed something so we all became junked out instead. It was far easier to deal with ones emotions when one was numb inside. At least that is what I was told when the boy that I was seeing decided to sleep with everything that moved. It was my problem that my heart was broken and I was forced to do anything to stop those tears from falling too.