I didn’t want to let go of something that was so horrendous to me. If it could happen to anybody it was more than likely going to happen to me. I grew up accustomed to the drama and all the sinking feelings that a life lived in this reality could bring and once I got the hang of it I couldn’t fathom the idea that anybody that I loved would ever have to experience a similar thing. That’s where fables and fairytales originate from, they serve as a reminder and beacon to where your heart first began beating and learned how to sing.
I am exhausted and heartbroken and even I know when a relationship is done. I just find it hard, and I am struggling because I am not going anywhere without my son.
There is no explanation for why a soul may turn black. Maybe it starts deeper further back then we can ever comprehend. Maybe some of us were descendants of monsters incapable of finding a way to let the warmth of the light find its way in. These monsters are the ones who come out to ridicule you. Making you feel a fool when what you really should have felt was acceptance and love.
I am tired of being lied to or that matters of my heart are just a game. I never would have ended up here for as long as I did but he took my freedom away with little or no say. There is no niceties or trying to have my back. Just a constant barrage of insults where he is capable of going 0 to 360 flat. Agreeing to stay I was determined to live my life a little differently, trying to do the things that are impossible just to see if I was worthy of the impossible things. So far nothing has landed but I am more than determined to find out how it is possible to relate to the rest of the world.
I never wanted to damage my son but what I am allowing for his father to do to us and him is more than I have ever wished or even wanted to have to wade through. I am not a dumb c*nt who is deserving to die. I don’t want to do the world a favour and let life slip me by. To hear these words that are said in front of my son makes me want to leave forever, always staying on the run.
I hate myself for being her and putting up with this situation. To be honest I am too scared to start again from nothing because that time nearly cost me my life too. I became too depressed with my inability to connect. How can I trust that somebody will have honourable intentions when it is has been proven to me in all the ways that humans are just the opposite. If you want loyalty get a pet. They depend on you to live. They appreciate your kindness instilling the day to day commodities instead of taking for granted everything you do and did.
I think it is the biggest tragedy and ultimate sin when we decide to set up limits and boundaries against the way somebody looks or how it is they wear their hair, if they have any to begin with. In the land of no identity why do we always obsess with bringing what one doesn’t have to the spotlight and everybody’s attention. We are all trying to live the best life that we can that is possible and we don’t need so much hate and shade to try and defeat us.
People will ALWAYS do what is best for them and disregard the middle man. Who cares about the natural nature of relationships when we can sever all ties because there is plenty. I think about the shark who waits patiently for all the little minnows to feed on each other so they they will become big. Why feast on a million little ones who are swimming when you can take your time and wait for one that is more filling? For those of you content on spreading voracious rumours now that with me they will always come to a head. I can admit my failures and faults in this world now I am going to turn to you and ask you if you can do the same.
Not everybody is who they appear to be and yes some people are more than capable of a little change. I think about those from time to time who are too set in there ways and who will always remain the same. They will feed on the corpses of those that loved them not admitting to anybody how it is they got that way. The biggest sell out is the one who will sell just about anybody in order to sustain their need. All they see is a paycheck and they could care less how it is anybody around them may feel.
There is a drain on our health care system. That is something that is very obvious for the whole world to see. The world has become accustomed to a walk in lifestyle making us wait hours upon hours like there was nothing else more important in our lives to do. I guess there should be nothing else than trying to find our version of owning our best health but when it comes to me I am far too busy to be waiting around for hours and hours without even being greeted or for a Doctor to be seen