Not Without My Son

I am exhausted and heartbroken and even I know when a relationship is done. I just find it hard, and I am struggling because I am not going anywhere without my son.

A Mother’s Promise

There will always be those that have been sent to defeat you and only you can decide if their actions are going to be ok. What I feel is that I am already on guard with my son’s teachers and for the first week of school I am going to have to say that this is not ok. I will not let them take away a his smile like school had done for me. I will spend everyday that I am breathing trying to help him in realizing that he is ok. As his mother I will do everything I can to help him and I will never abandon him so that I can have a better way. I know what it feels like when a parent you love hates you and that is one promise I will keep to my son if I am able to have my say.

A Boy Like Me

I hate that this is our story. I hate that my son died in utero triggering a series of seizures threatening to take me away into the night too. I hate that as a mother I failed to see just how unhealthy that I was internally that stemmed far further than when I used to smoke cigarettes. From as early as I can remember I was prone to losing blood. Starting in the beginning when I was only 13.

Insults My Way

It is hard to share my thoughts and feelings because they are entirely one side. Of course they are. It is just me. Expressing my thoughts and feelings to the world. Because I talk to few it becomes obvious who those are that oppose of me. I mean my very presence in any room angers them and they are quick to fling any insults my way because of this.

Centre of My World

So where I thought that I was the one who needed saving I finally can admit that I am strong enough to begin saving the rest of the world. My smile maybe a little less than sunny perfection but it comes with one of the biggest hearts and intentions that you have ever felt or seen. I used to think it was bad to be your own best friend singing your praises but how else do you light up the night for the rest of the world to find? Ya sure to some I may mean nothing but I know to one that is living I am absolutely the center of his world and he is mine too.

I Am Powerless

I have been presented with an opportunity to still be the best that I can be but it will have to be done during the hours that my baby is asleep. Sure you may read this and say she is damaging her son. To me I believe that we have damaged all of our sons already. This world that we are raising our children in should be sounding all the alarm bells in our heads. There are those those only care for the life that is theirs and couldn’t be bothered with any other entity they find themselves by. I for one believe I need to relinquish all control. The Universe is listening and revealing to me people’s true colors to keep the evil away. Not everybody is the same and that is what makes this time absolutely beautiful but for this moment that is all around me all I can focus on is my boy.

A Life Like Mine

I have to be fierce and teach him it is ok to stand out. That it is ok to not be accepted by everybody because only you know what lays inside and how it feels when you are being left out. Excluded from being normal you accept the fact because you know you were born special. Born with the fists of furry beneath you never tiring just constantly feeling things out. The over active mind is a real special thing as it will always challenge your existence to live for a better day.

Celestial Light

I am drawn to celestial places of light and healing because I am determined to find out what it all means. The crystal I picked out was a beautiful turquoise blue (my son’s favourite color), I couldn’t wait to get home and show him. When he saw the crystal his eye’s lighted up and as he held the crystal in his hand he said, “Say that this is for me.” How can you say no when he is holding it up to the light. Exclaiming about all the colors and being filled with divine light. Excitedly he told me look at all the colors!! You can even see the ocean. That is how I knew I just brought home his power crystal. What I wanted for me became the greatest gift for my little and indirectly for me too. We bonded over divine energy and light in it’s most exquisite form.

Broken and Drained

People make it difficult to want to share because all they focus on is there truth. There is no other way to get from point A to point B just their way or the highway but we all know that is not true. There are hundreds of ways to get to where you are going all that is asked of you is you try not to harm others when you find yourself on the same road.  Some people maybe casual with their intentions but others maybe lost with no idea or clue where to go. Wouldn’t it make sense to be kind instead of Texas Chainsaw Massacre their *ss? That is what other’s people’s opinions feel like when they have NO IDEA about your life. The words they use to try to enlighten come across as a blood bath with nobody surviving that condescending undertow.

Blinded By Life

A fool and his money are soon parted but what happens to the fool when it comes to his mind? Nothing permeates our inner being faster than trying to fit in, up to and including lying to the world about who it is we are to become. I know my mind and I know my truth and my reality is that I was born to never fit in with the rest of the world. Sure it is isolating. Like a one man island but I would rather live here than where I was living before. Most friends and family only come around when they need something so I cut them off. My mind is to fragile to constantly be playing games with those that will never keep my sanity in mind.